Am I a good husband?

March 16, 2012, I was given the opportunity to become a husband in the house that the Lord made to a woman that loved me despite my flaws. First things first, I didn’t think that was even possible (that’s what I get for thinking huh). I was presented a woman that would be willing to have sex with me, create kids with me and even let me use her Netflix Account. Fabolous said, ‘being hot gets you the MVP, staying hot gets you the Hall of Fame’. I met a woman that met those qualities so I should be fitted for my Hall of Fame jacket right…we’ll see. I wonder do I have to wait 5 years after my death for that decision.

Has the fact that I found this woman caused me to become stagnant? It shouldn’t have that effect however I am a creature of habit and that could be detrimental to how I deal with things. I need to learn to live a little bit more. I was called Wayman Tisdale from strictly business in a recent argument so that echoes that sentiment on me living more. I put so much pride and emphasis on providing for my family and when I feel that there is trouble approaching that’s when I lace up my boots and go to war….with myself though and cut ties with anything that’s going to create memories. Maybe I need to work on creating more memories because when I’m on my deathbed, I shouldn’t be worried about a cable bill, I should be worried about whether or not I lived this life to the fullest. Has it caused me to forget about growth and how to do the same things that she fell in love with? Simple things like date night and little notes in the purse go a lot further than the extravagant gift. (So I’ve been told, I have yet to get the extravagant gift because my mentor is Julius from Everyone hates Chris) Maybe I should budget some money to allow us to have normalcy in life instead of just getting by only worried about work and kids. Maybe I should just let the good times roll instead of planning every move. This is hard for me at times because I feel as a man my wife and kids should never want for nothing even if that means sacrificing my whims and wishes to accommodate them. What if you devalue her opinion because you’re the man and you think it should go according to your plan? This is the first of many mistakes a husband can make. First and foremost always remember Proverbs 3:5-6, “trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto your own understanding”. The key portion is those scriptures is lean not unto your own understanding. This is the fatal flaw that most people experience and the irony is the trust that were supposed to have is from the person that you’re asking to build you back up again. As men we should never get comfortable because trust and believe there is another man waiting for the ‘hey, how you been’ text. I know it is easy to get comfortable because you are getting the simple things in life like watching sports, eating good food, and buttery yams but don’t lay back in the recliner because that’s when the next man will come right behind ya and uoeno it. I pray that she continues to love me throughout all these flaws because I never want to plant a seed of doubt. Once doubts begin to creep up in your mind, it’s become toxic like drinking hard liquor. Your mind becomes distorted, you aren’t thinking clearly. It’s a cloud blocking your line of sight. I don’t wanna have to relive the Beanie Sigel, ‘I feel in the air’ video where I feel someone is behind me waiting on my downfall so he can scoop her up (I know that wasn’t the premise in the video but when I feel something in the air that song comes to mind).

I was amongst a group of friends a while back, I forgot the occasion but it was said that “I was their role model. When I get married I want to be like you as a husband” At the time, I thought yea you should be like me but then I got home, I thought this dude tripping. If you don’t believe you can ask my wife first hand. I’m just as flawed as a diamond thief dropping jewels all over the concrete. I’m just as flawed as those shoes white dude stepped on in Do the Right Thing. Don’t get me wrong it isn’t a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde type thing but just know I’m just as fucked up as the next man.

I was reminded of how flawed I really am in recent conversations with my wife. I thought it was just a one-time issue but apparently I committed the same offense again so now its strikes a nerve and sets a trigger to feelings and emotions that I didn’t even know existed. Then it comes off as something derogatory but at the end it’s just passion towards an issue and how it must be solved immediately. It became heated, nothing Knockout Kings worthy but healthy dialogue even if voices are raised isn’t frowned upon in my house. It evokes emotion and passion which exemplifies the feelings that you have. See the last thing I want to do it devalue the feelings of my spouse. I never want her to feel like she isn’t my partner. Has your wife every asked you something and you answered with a NO. Like don’t even discuss it first, just hey do you (fill in the blank with your own question)? How does it make your wife feel when that happens? Does she say anything about it or does she let it ride? See her letting it ride can be very dangerous. It’s a slippery slope that as husbands we are treading but the worst thing you can ever do a woman is to make her go silent. Once she feels like her she isn’t your equal you are in serious trouble. Do I feel like my marriage is heading down that path? I hope not but if so it was probably my fault. At the end of the conversation, I asked her if she happy with the marriage. It puzzled her for a second but it was a real question. What if this was the catalyst to something bigger? What if I am too late and this marriage is on a decline? These are questions that I want answers too. I can’t front I was stone cold on the outside but on the inside I was stuck like Drake in the Anaconda video. She said she was happy with the marriage but there are some things that I do that get on her nerves and vice versa. Luckily, me and wife can communicate about our issues sure it may get hectic but once the issues are on the table it allows me to improve myself not just as a husband but as a man. I don’t mind harsh criticism because as I have become older, I realize I learn in 2 ways: practical application and self-improvement. The practical application is just a situation that re-enacts a grievance that was previously echoed by my significant other. The self-improvement is me not making the same mistake again. If I make the same mistake, was it because I wasn’t listening. Was it because I didn’t comprehend the issue from the beginning or was it because I felt like I shouldn’t have to change. I know it isn’t the last question because in 2003, I learned that change is the only thing that remains the same, those who adapt preserve, and those who don’t fade away.

As I reflect on the instances that my wife mentioned to me, I began to ask myself am I a good husband? Knowing that I am fucked up my main goal is to make sure that I don’t fuck things up with my kingdom. See, I work very hard to maintain my home, wife and kids so I will work just as hard to mend any differences that I may have. My wife said it best, you are a good husband you just do some things that get on my damn nerves. I won’t let something small ruin what we have but just know I don’t like that shit and I’m gonna say I don’t like that shit, here’s why I don’t like that shit and my response will be thanks for telling me now let me fix this shit.

When you first get that invite to join a Fantasy league whether it’s for money or not, your main goal is to become a fantasy football legend. Even though this is fantasy football we’re talking about nothing worse then beating your friend in anything. Think about all the Madden, 2K arguments that commenced only to be squashed after having some pizza, bud and some yak. Well tonight starts the 2014 season and now you get to set those picks you were plotting on like a piece of new pussy. Ladies, for some this is a trying time as the attention your man once showered you with is now filled with yelling, eyes glued to the TV and not caring whether you are alive or not.  There are some men that are thinking ‘wait a minute you had me watch all the love and hip hop, real housewives of every city, keeping up the kardashians and yet you complaining when I watch football as my AI brothers would say, BIIITTTTTTTTTCHHH please.’ I would never say that but that’s just me. For others this is your time to strut your stuff and let your man know that I can play this game too. That could make the relationship interesting if you know what I mean. While, it may put a strain on a relationship which it never should but if it gets close, ladies you know what you have to do. Don’t get me wrong there will always be times where we wish you were around. Ain’t nothing like getting some real booty after a fantasy win.

Is it as simple as 1-2-3 or is it as real as it gets-jeezy voice. Welcome to the season of trash talk, endless trades, endless fuck ups and rooting for players on teams you can’t stand. Sure, you can just leave your lineup the way it is as it filled in those respective slots from draft night or you can begin your GM career starting in Week 1. There are some games that should be high scoring such as Dallas/San Fran, New Orleans/Atlanta or Indianapolis/Denver. There are players for those teams that will go ham and make the computer freeze up. Why such a powerful machine as a computer always freezes up during a score check in fantasy football. Could someone from silicon valley fix that? There are also some games that will be ugly like Wanda from In Living Color but could provide some value such as Cleveland/Pittsburgh, Baltimore/Cincinnati and Carolina/Tampa Bay.

This is where your overanalyzing, scenario thinking, what if this happens and ridiculous prayers to the Lord occurs. For example someone is praying for Peyton Manning to throw for 600 yards and 10 TD’s in one game or even worse praying for someone to get injured. If you are one of those guys, I hope you lose every game by a lot wishing an injury on someone what’s the matter with you. This is where you go to church just to tell the preacher cut the sermon short because the game starts at 1 or you go to the next step and watch church on BET or a re-run of Sunday’s best then at 1 let the real drama begins.  This is where you hold your phone like a woman holds a clutch purse waiting on updates on scores and games.

Under most circumstances you never want to bench a superstar especially if you pick them early in the draft. But, if there is one game that might challenge that it’s tonight game where Green Bay plays Seattle in Seattle for that matter. It’s going to be louder than any concert known to man. These are the decisions that validate your skills as a fantasy GM. Should you bench Aaron Rodgers or Eddie Lacy against the Legion of Boom? Aaron Rodgers and Eddie Lacy were probably first no later than second round picks in your draft. Would you even consider it? If you do bench him, what backup do you have that would take his place. In my opinion I wouldn’t bench either player, even though it’s Seattle’s defense they had some turnover from the Super Bowl team; Aaron Rodgers is healthy with a workhorse running back in Eddie Lacy. Eddie Lacy can provide some relief which will create some opportunities for Aaron Rodgers. Will Aaron throw for 400 and 4 TD’s probably not but unless you got someone like Jay Cutler, Tony Romo or Colin Kaepernick as a backup I don’t see how you could even consider this move. But this week as well as others will keep us in suspense like a Scandal episode.  This is week 1 of the 2014 season and if it’s as interesting as I think this could be, the NFL is its own reality show. It’s not how you play the game but it’s how you set the lineup.

As you may know I am a father of 3, 2 of my babies are under 2. What the fuck was I thinking when I did that shit? I wonder if God shook his mighty head and said, “well you know I protect babies and fools” but this dude Sonny is wilin. Every day at home is eventful because I get to see milestones like Morgan doing her homework by herself, Reid saying real words and Hannah smiling and stuff like that. For the record, I can’t wait for Reid to stop sounding like David from Real World New Orleans. A sentence from my son goes a little something like this “Daddddyyy, swe da boo de ba boo dii swe da boo de ba boo doowwww owwww” In his mind he is saying Daddy…I’m hungry can you fix me chicken nuggets, mac and cheese and some milk. Hannah just be smiling and laughing but at any given minute start screaming bloody murder. You wanna see my wife get upset let her be dead sleep and Hannah start crying loudly. This is how that conversation normally goes, ‘unh huh Sonny man im tired as shit your turn…but she hungry quianna…fuck it then bring her here.’ But as soon as she sees her face she all smiling and what not and I’m looking confused like the Lloyd lyric (does he say She fine too or she’s 5’2) I think we wait to have for another ‘I know black people episode by Dave Chappelle for that answer’.

So I go to work answer emails, questions, and write jobs for about 8 hours. I indulge my wife with conversation throughout the day and look up sports stuff especially since Fantasy football starts tonight(fellas, you wanna test your marriage tell your wife you joining a Fantasy league, if you really wanna test her tell her you are the commissioner). When it’s quitting time, I get in the car turn on Spotify and leave the parking lot. A lot of times it’s a song playing with the word nigga a bunch of times and my white co-workers wave good bye to me. I wonder if they say, ‘this nigga here is something else’ when they get in the car after hearing my music. Cruising on the highway mentally preparing myself for another evening at the Grayson home which is something that some would say deserve a reality show. Me personally, I think it would flop but others think differently.

As I’m listening to the Spotify which reminds me to add more songs to it because on shuffle play, it goes from Yo Gotti ‘errybody’ to seduction by Usher…I know thank my wife for that shit and it fucks me up every time. I channeled Usher though from his classic nice and slow with this version; “it’s seven o clock on the dot in my minivan parked in the street/ I got 3 hungry kids and wife asking me what to eat/ I pull up anticipating/ a phone call don’t keep me waiting/ these kids are wiling and im about to whup these kids ass/ can I go to a place nice and quiet where I don’t have to fuss/ I just want a cup of henny to sip nice and slow”

But then reality sets in and I gain my second burst of energy and anticipates any and everything. I open the door, first it’s my daughter Morgan yelling ‘Daddy where were you at…can you play with me… can I watch a movie…can I go somewhere…is there a surprise for me’ All of these questions come 17 seconds after I open the door. My son yells, Daddy and runs like Dino from the Flinstones to give me a hug then he starts working on his 40 time running up and down the hallway. My daughter Hannah laying down stretching but it looks like she is working on her 1-2 combo. From there I say whats up to my wife and we talk for a few minutes, then this question…what you want for dinner? Me being me I’m like I want you for dinner. Her response, ‘boy this is how we got 3 kids now…bye lance’ First of all who the hell is Lance and I hope he’s getting paid for this phrase because I hear this on reality shows, Instagram posts, even on Sportscenter. Somewhere there is a Lance getting paid right now.

Once the kids eat it turns into organized chaos. I say organized chaos because they are all in the house but the noise goes from 0 to 100 nigga real quick, my mode takes a real shift. It’s all in fun though kids burning off energy, I get to see all of this first hand then after a bath and a movie bedtime. You would think this is where it gets easier. Wrong-charlie murphy voice. This is where my daughter wants to get all philosophical with the questions like, “dad can you be strong as Mr. Incredible?” “ Dad, why do your arms look like Wreck-it –Ralph”, “Does God go to sleep because if he doesn’t why should I” After question 3 I wanna say, Morgan do you want me to read you a book it’s called go the fuck to sleep. But in mid sentence she falls asleep like someone just hit her pressure point and she’s out cold. My son is easier throw him the crib with a show and boom goes the dynamite. My 2 month old daughter on the other hand is hit or miss. Some nights she’s out like an unpaid electric bill and other nights she’s up wanting to talk like she is quianna’s roommate. I can’t wait tiil she takes a bottle better so I mix it with potato flakes or similac flakes or some old school shit like Karo syrup. If I use Karo syrup I gotta put a mirror under her nostril to make sure she breathing because I would be out 12 hours at a time with that mixture. Anyway I wouldn’t trade it for the world therefore it’s never a dull moment in my house and when we are in the streets it’s even worse but that’s for another story at another time until next time

Stay classy and every once in a while go the fuck to sleep.