Bitch betta have my money


As I get older the events in my life change. Before it was about going to club dancing my pain away, trying to bag some women with anticipation of an after party at the top of my oh never mind then repeat on Saturday, sleep during the sermon on Sunday watch football after that then prepare for the following week. This went on for years but now I’m married with 3 young kids and getting out the house could be as difficult as understanding some lyrics from today hottest artists. Today the events that I prepare for our baby showers, Sunday night viewing parties of Game of Thrones, fantasy football and of course weddings. Some say my wedding was the best they have been too maybe it was because they got fried and it was an endless supply of women (hi-fives his wife and bad ass friends that came and had a good time). Weddings can be a tricky event because it’s like the premiere show of an art exhibit. You see these women dressed in designer wear with makeup and heels accentuating all their assets while in turn trying to be modest then on the other hand you have the men in tuxedos whether American or European and shirt tie combos that make us look like mannequins and that’s before you get to the sock and shoe game. You come in your finest linen to see their interpretation of what love is… whether it’s writing their own vows, the amount of bets placed on who is going to cry, which scripture is going to be used to their entrance of the reception and their music selection. At my wedding we came into the track I Do featuring Young Jeezy, Hov and 3 stacks. The last wedding I went to they came into the classic Method Man and Mary j, but I’ve been to some when the music didn’t match what I would do but hey it’s their interpretation. Now one topic that doesn’t get talk about a lot only because only married couples can attest to this but how do you react when the people that you wanted to show don’t show up.

Weddings no shows are a part of the game and the way you handle it can show a lot about a person. I can’t front there were some that didn’t show up who were pleading their case on why they should come so I’m like fuck it come enjoy yourself and then you hit me with bullshit when you don’t make it. As Ed Lover would say ‘get the fuck outta here’ especially if you got the save the date and invitation. I can see if you were a last minute addition then I have to question whether or not you accepted just to cook up something petty ol Petty Crocker ass motherfucker. However, a couple in Minnesota took the petty level up to Petty Pendergrass with their response. They sent a bill of $80 dollars to a young lady who couldn’t make the wedding. In the letter it said ‘This cost reflects the amount paid by bride and groom for your meal, reimbursement and explanation for no show, card, call or text would be appreciated’. I wonder if she did one of those options would she have still received a bill. But since she didn’t receive anything she went into her bag of fucks realized there weren’t any and proceed with the letter. I can imagine her flying on your petty copter just dropping mail off like a stork did on those old school cartoons. I wonder if she was listening to Pandora and Rihanna’s Bitch Better have my money followed by ODB featuring Kelis came on back to back and thought this was a sign.

How do you respond to guests that no show? Do you have a level of compassion since you’re on Cloud 9 minus the John Legend riffs? Do you entertain their reasoning for not making your wedding but have the so called resting bitch face look? Do you just chalk it as a part of the game? Does it affect the friendship? Do you tell your friends and they conspire a smear campaign? Do you start a conspiracy theory on why they really didn’t show up? Rumor has that some people didn’t come to my wedding because they weren’t invited to the bachelor party or because they couldn’t bring their girl that I don’t even know and I ain’t sponsoring a date night for you and your lady.

I can’t front I missed a wedding before and I felt terrible because the invite said no kids and I didn’t have a baby sitter so I took a L they took a bigger L since they paid for me and my wife. For the record if you send me a bill my first instinct is to slap everyone involved like Bernie Mac did on that Head of State movie but more than likely I would have a laugh with my wife then go to sleep.