Birthdays was the worst days

nino brown

“Birthdays was the worst days
Now we sip champagne when we thirst-ay
Uh, damn right I like the life I live
‘Cause I went from negative to positive
And it’s all…

(It’s all good)

…and if you don’t know, now you know, nigga, uh”- Biggie Smalls

Today you may get a notification stating that it’s Sonny’s birthday and you should share your thoughts. From there you get the HBD bro, Happy bornday, Happy Birthday, Happy solar return and many others response but the mere fact they took the time out is what’s most important. You hoping somebody put up a picture and you get tagged in it and then let the good times roll. I say that because there’s someone right now like ‘oh shit its yo birthday, that’s wzup but let me see what kermit, Ms. Piggy, Shirley Caesar and those Joe Biden memes hittin fo. Niggas have a birthday every day B’. Now you getting birthday wishes on your timeline, text messages on your phone, getting tagged in pictures and there is someone doing her best Ms. Piggy rendition:

Ms. Piggy….It’s his birthday just send him well wishes

Savage Ms. Piggy…fuck that send him a heart-eye emoji followed by a DM.

Birthdays weren’t always the best days when I was growing up. I come from humble beginnings and I’m proud of it because it made me the man that I am today. For the record just because I have both parents don’t mean I’m a rich kid. That has to be the biggest misconception of all time. Shit, I just got hit with an insufficient funds fee on my way to work today on my birthday. I’m getting more calls from bill collectors then family members today. You know moms was working at the bank she had the steady job, while my dad on the other hand; he was the mortician, limo driver, driving school instructor, cleaning office buildings. Like this man worked at Sinai, Johns Hopkins and Northwest hospital at the same damn time. When my pops was making bread, he was making bread to feed the projects nigga-Calvin from paid in full voice; but when he wasn’t we were satisfied with the end pieces.

Since my birthday is so close to Christmas, my mom would always say, ‘son I aint got nothing for ya man but Christmas is 5 weeks away so I’mma double up’ As a kid you wanted to be disappointed but this is ma dukes like what you really say. I’mma eat this second helping of mac and cheese maybe watch some wrestling and countdown to Christmas.

See I come from a family that didn’t really celebrate milestones. My grandfather was a World War II veteran and was the first black supervisor of Bell Atlantic which is now AT & T and he always preached that you supposed to be great, I’m not celebrating that. As a kid I thought that was fucked up but my grandfather couldn’t do nothing wrong is my eyes but as a grown up I can see where he is coming from. He was saying that you have to work twice as hard to get half the respect as your counterpart so if they graduate high school you get a Master’s degree. Always remember you are no better than anyone else but also know there is no one better than you. So I always treated my birthday as just another day because it wasn’t about the gifts, I can buy the gifts any day after all bills is paid, wife and kids are straight then I will buy me something but by that time it’s gone so Tough break nigga there’s always FUBU.

I’m glad now that I have a wife and kids because on this day they add laughter and enjoyment to this day that would normally consist of Sportscenter, Sportscenter, work, eat, Sportscenter maybe a workout then bed. I wake up this morning and my bones are cracking so I know I’m getting older. I get serenaded by my lady then she goes for the low note sounding like Toni Saxon so all I can do is laugh and be thankful. I’m thankful because of the social climate that we are living in today, everyday should be your birthday because at any given moment some cop or anybody will look at me like I’m a silverback gorilla and try to put silver in my back and celebrate how they killed a gorilla. I’m thankful because I’m learning in life that change is ok because change is the only thing that remains the same. The interactions with my kids this morning proves it:

Morgan: Happy birthday Daddy

Me: thanks yo

Morgan: how old are you now?

Me: I’m 33

Morgan: Dang you old. Do you need a cane or something? Were you around when Jesus was living?

Morgan and Me: laugh real hard

Now it’s time for Reid…

Quianna: Go say happy birthday to daddy

Reid: happy birthday dad…now we go to chuck e cheese

Me: naw son no chuck e cheese

Reid: I’m so mad *insert Arthur fist* it’s my birthday daddy not yours

Me: ok calm down buddy

Reid: I’m not your buddy *then he turns around and smiles at me like Michael Jackson do at the end of Thriller, I can’t make this shit up if I tried*

Last but not least Hannah…

Hannah: daddy…daddy…daddy

Me: Yes Hannah

Hannah: Can we watch a movie?

Me: Sure Hannah

Hannah: I Looooooooooooove you. *proceeds to take my phone and watch Netflix*

I’m glad that I am able to see this day and who knows this could be the change I was waiting for. Thanks to all my family and friends.

*Birthdays I had a penny

Now I’m at the bar right now drinking Henn-ay

Uhhh*- Sonny Smalls

And I’m out…


Are you Ready to Rumble


There are three things in life that we can’t avoid: death, taxes and conflict. Sure we can cheat death like Devon Sawa in those Final Destination movies but in the end when the Lord calls you home there is no stopping that. It’s like God be yelling to his angels, “Omaha Omaha” then you’re brought back from the depths of hell. Sure you can cheat your taxes but if they can throw Mr. Big in jail what makes you think they won’t throw ya ass in jail. Sure you can cheat conflict but then you turn in a yes-man which is one step away from being a bitch ass nigga. It’s ok to have a different opinion on a subject and not feel like you have to conform to what other people say. Conflict is necessary and isn’t always a bad thing especially if you are in a relationship because if you never make it clear what’s acceptable then anger and resentment turns into monuments of pettiness and those who indulge in them are seldom capable of anything else. Here are a few things that you and your partner will fight about and y’all gonna be alright-Kendrick Lamar voice

Round 1: Social Media

With technology transforming at the speed of light you are going to be tempted in the virtual world. The only problem is that your virtual world is cross-contaminating your real world. It’s cool to have a Facebook page, Snapchat and all that but thirst trapping is a no-no. We see this everyday whether it’s a new IG model or a guy who just finished a workout and has the caption ‘GAINZ’. Social media is the gift and curse in today’s society.  Whether it’s the DM, the heart eye or the eggplant emoji don’t get yourself into some real shit over your some virtual shit. Fellas please don’t get in a jam over a chick that has her thigh meat out in an onesie. Because the last thing you need is a text from your girl like, ‘oh you like thighs now’ then you’re fucked. Now you gotta drive out to Brandywine to get some Crabboss then swing past Central Ave to get a fresh box of Krispy Kreme donuts because you know the ones in Royal Farms are old just for her not to be mad anymore. Is it even worth it? Ladies you aren’t exempt. Please stop liking other niggas memes especially if they are dissing your man. For example, if I post a meme stating “if your man ain’t a Kappa then your man ain’t shit”; don’t like my post especially if your man doesn’t meet those standards. Why set yourself up for a Jody-Yvette argument over a meme? Cut that shit out.

Round 2: Spending Money

According to the latest stats regarding divorce, one of the major factors contributing to divorce is finances. I know you and your partner work hard every day especially when you hit your snooze button a few times and be mad as fuck you gotta go to work but since you like to live indoors instead of outdoors you go to work. You got some partners that act like Julius from Everybody Hates Chris and you have others that spend as fast as they earn it. Some things you shouldn’t have to discuss with your partner like buying coffee or a something from the dollar menu but there are some things that you may have to discuss with your partner. It’s not a dictatorship or anything like that but when you’re on a fixed income there are certain things that you can’t get right now and that’s ok but don’t go into the red for a few likes on social media. I suggest you draft a budget and openly discuss the bills and find out  how much money is needed for each bill. Now if the bills are paid and there is leftover money and your partner is still bitching then it’s definitely deeper than the hatred towards minorities and you may have to re-evaluate this relationship.

Round 3: GTD…Getting those Draws

Look man…you’ve claimed her. You kicked flows for her, kicked down doors for her even left all your motherfucking hoes for her. That’s a win yet she won’t let you in them skins huh. Ignoring the problem isn’t gonna make it go away; you have to talk about it and come to an agreement about how frequent you should be fuckin. Be realistic though. Don’t say every day twice a day and three times on Saturday. Hopefully you both are gainfully employed with social lives so there will be times when that doesn’t happen but at least you had the conversation because you don’t want the doors of infidelity to open because you not fucking. One variable that gets relationship jammed up with respect to sex is watching porn. I mean it serves its purpose but it alters your sexual relationship with your partner because your partner ain’t slurping it up like Pinky or making noise like Roxy Reynolds so if that doesn’t happen in your sexual conquest then you feel slighted. Don’t hold them to that level of standard because they get paid to do that. Don’t like 2-D pussy fuck you up with your 3-D pussy.  Don’t get me wrong if they are down for that then great but you can’t force it.

Round 4: A Mother’s Love

There’s nothing like a mother’s love.  A mother is vital in the development of relationships between man and woman but what role does a mother play in your relationship. There are variables to consider in this answer because there are various types of mothers. You have your overbearing mothers that smother you at all times. There’s the mother who just loves to mother. For example, have you ever gone on a day trip with your partner but your mother made sandwiches for both of you? You have no choice to scream, “You like that” in your best Kirk Cousins voice. You have those mothers that try to be your friend more than your mom and it can stir up drama. Do you get mad if every time you go somewhere you got to pick moms up? Does it bother you every time she wants to go to the store she want you to go to the store? We have to be careful with what we share with our mothers because at the end of the day she is still your mother and even if y’all have resolved your issue it can be a sore spot for ma dukes and a mothers’ shade is second to none. Boundaries have to be set and if your mother disrespects your mate you have to check her right then and there because if your lady doesn’t feel protected she’s gone. If your lady doesn’t check her mom then your man will always feel it’s 2 against 1 and the chances of winning that bad are slim to none.

Round 5: Chores

It’s 2016. Women are successful in their own right. They own businesses, have numerous degrees and just downright the shit so the days of you coming home at 5:30 pm with dinner sitting on the table may be unrealistic. It’s ok for your partner to cook dinner or wash dishes. There shouldn’t be set chores in your home because you are both adults and have the ability to fend for yourself. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t expect your woman to unload three bags of trash while you look up memes on social media but fellas it’s ok to jump in when your lady can’t do it. Are there certain chores designated for men only or women only?

Round 6: Family Drama

Everybody family is different. But when you date him/her you are seeing the foundation of their existence. There will be issues that you will disagree on and that’s ok but try not to put your partner in the middle of a tug of war between you and their family. The last thing you want is for them to decide because quite frankly you might not like the decision they make. I’m not saying be a doormat or a sucka ass nigga but pick your battles. I do have a question though…how do you react if someone from her family disrespects her? For example if a male family member calls your lady a bitch or something of that nature do you turn into Luke Cage or do you go MLK on the non-violent tip. Even though you’re family you ain’t family if you catch my drift. Now if it someone for your family disrespecting her then you  go by them goon rules if you can’t beat ’em then you pop ’em, You can’t man ’em then you mop ’em, You can’t stand ’em then you drop ’em, You pop ’em ’cause we pop ’em like Orville Redenbacher!!…Motherfucker I’m ill.

For the record this is all case by case scenario but I can admit that I have gone through all these struggles with my wife and we are stronger than ever so it’s ok to have a conflict but once you come up with a solution please implement it and you my friend can have the best week ever if not you are the latest contestant to be a Jordan meme.