Bro Code

bro code

“I ride for my guys that’s the bro code”- Young M.A

Listen man in life there are written rules and unwritten rules that you must abide by in order to have a successful existence on Earth. “Treat others as you would want others to treat you” has to be the standard rule that all races, genders, nationalities, religions need to live by. In today’s culture we as men live by the “bro code” which is basically a manual that needs to be reciprocated amongst other men unless you want these hands or other weaponry. So here are some truths that will conveniently point out facts that men from any generation must utilize.

  1. Never slander another man in order to GTD (get the draws)– This is just one of the most disgusting things a man can do to another man and the fact that it happens so much is even worse. Face it, fellas we pick the women but the woman chooses us. Let that marinate. If the woman doesn’t want you don’t be a douche about so fuck her friend or not but never lie on another man to get the booty.
  2. Bros before hoes– classic phrase but sometimes she got that wet wet and can do damage to a friendship. Now if this lady is your wife then all bets are off but if you are just a girl you jam after a cookout or something she should never have deference over your homeboy.
  3. Player 1 controller belongs to the owner of the house– how dare you come to my house and play 2K and think you are player 1. I take that as slap in the face and we must have a duel afterwards. Would you let me come to your house and eat the big piece of chicken hell no then why do you get to be Player 1?
  4. All groceries must be carried in one trip– I don’t care how you do it. But God gave you two hands so use them.
  5. Allow one urinal separation between men– I don’t know why we even have to elaborate but this rule gets broken quite often and enough is enough. Your shoe should never touch another man’s shoe while taking a piss. Case closed
  6. Even if we playing sports, don’t smack another guy ass– look man I know we see this on TV but I will be damned if every time you shoot a basket you have to smack them on the ass afterwards. Stop that bullshit expeditiously-Joe Clarke voice
  7. No sisters or mothers– Scarface killed Manolo. Stay away my moms’- Kyle lee Watson voice. Need I say more? It isn’t worth it. But step-sisters or step mothers is fair game.
  8. Open Bar at my funeral– Listen if you are my real bro, the repast will not be in a church it will be at someone’s house where there will be endless amount of Henny and other beverages. Just because I’m dead doesn’t mean I don’t like to party.
  9. Dogs– If you get a dog it must be up to knee length or bigger. Fellas if your bro wants a lap dog then you Ric Flair chop him as hard as you can. I’m 6’0 almost 325 pounds could you imagine me with a shitzu. Fuck no, in my ideal world I would have a mastiff bare minimum but for some reason I have a feeling it will eat my kids so big dogs or no dogs at all.
  10. Every crew must designate a wingman– If you have been given this high position under no circumstances can you fail him. There must be a shy brother, cool brother, woke brother, down for whatever brother. You have to be a chameleon to serve your brother as the best wingman.
  11. Never lie about bodies– Look man everybody isn’t Wilt Chamberlain with the ladies but be satisfied with what you have been with. Inflating numbers ain’t cool especially when we find out the truth. Just don’t do it.
  12. If invited to a wedding don’t add your own +1: Look man getting invited to a wedding is a big deal but if you’re a single just relish the opportunity of all the single women that will be there. Trust me the groom is going to look out for you and if doesn’t then take back your gift.
  13. Never leave another brother hanging– simple enough right
  14. Delete browsing history– No explanation needed. Erase me like I was in the Men in Black movie.
  15. Divulging information– If pressed by your lady about a party or a fellas’ trip you must use three word phrases only such as “it was aight”, “it was cool”, “and glad I’m back” short and concise statements are the best way to go.
  16. Can’t talk too much– When discussing you and other woman, you can’t go in-depth with all the sexual details. This isn’t the Cam scene from Paid in Full. Plus if your brother is really a Judas he may use that against you to fuck your girl which is a clear violation but you knew you was wrong but you asked for it baby-DMX voice.
  17. Fighting– If you see a brother fighting you must intervene but if you get your ass handed because your friend did some fuck shit like ran, you do reserve the right to fight your friend after all wounds have healed.
  18. No sex with the Ex– Look if you bring a woman to a fight party, Vegas night, cookout or any other social gathering more than once then unofficially that is your girl and under no circumstances can your friends fuck her after it’s over. It doesn’t matter how bad she is or how much she throws the pussy at you don’t do it unless it results in a train then go ahead and embarrass her but can’t have eye contact.
  19. No sharing – I know how the saying goes, “sharing is caring” but there are certain things that you can’t share. For example, 2 men should never share an umbrella. Look I’m a big dude and can rarely find an umbrella to keep my big ass dry what makes you think I’m sharing my umbrella with another person. That ain’t happening, captain. Another thing we don’t share is a dessert. Maybe because I don’t eat dessert like that but I just can’t imagine ordering a waffle cone sundae and asking for 2 spoons and the other spoons goes to another nigga with a beard. It’s like 2 hot dogs in the same bun. Just wrong. If you must link up at a restaurant please exhaust all options such as the bar and tables and if you have to do make your own table but two men in a booth shouldn’t occur.
  20. Moving– Very underrated rule but sometimes neglected. If you ask your brother to use his truck to move your shit out of your house, make sure you fill his tank back up and even offer to have his car detailed. Food and liquor is always an option as well and if your friend just so happens to own a clothing line, he must reimburse his brother with exclusive merchandise.

I know there are many more but this is just the beginning because as time moves on so does the rules. Stay Klassy, Gentleman of Planet Earth.