Jane Carter

jane carter


FYI…fellas I don’t care how long you’ve been in a relationship with your lady please don’t get too comfortable. Do the same things you did in the beginning because the consistency is one of the turn-ons that keeps your lady interesting. Something we forget to do because we get too comfortable is ask questions. Check out this dumb shit I did with my wife and now I’ve been dubbed the black Doug Heffernan mixed with the spending style of Julius from Everybody Hates Chris.

I’m coming in from the gym so of course I’m drenched like I went swimming in a t shirt; therefore the next thing I must do is take a shower. I’m taking a shower but I forgot my hair stuff and I will be damned if I turn off the shower just to get back in so I saw some stuff called Jane Carter and I was like fuck it why not. I know nothing about Jane Carter or any of those products my wife use. All I know is that on the bottle it says, “Detangles, moisturizes and provides hair growth”. My mind gets to turning like shit; this is a winner winner chicken dinner. This is the trifecta. I should have been using this the whole time now my beard is about to look like Kiyan from Lion Guard then my wife aint gonna be able to tell me shit. I complete my shower and I get dressed and proceed with my day thinking nothing about it.

About 330, I hear this…’Sonny….Sonny…Sonny. SOOOOONNNNNNNYYYY’. Immediately I go upstairs in a panic because maybe something happened to one of the kids or maybe my wife is in trouble and I must go into warrior mode. Real rap I shouldn’t have brought my black ass upstairs.

Wife: did you use my Jane Carter?

Me: I don’t even know what that shit is for real

Wife: don’t lie to me nigga

Me: show me what it look like yo

Wife: “shows me bottle”

Me: yes, I did use it. I didn’t think nothing of it why did I do something wrong

Wife: did you something wrong? What the fuck you think? I can’t have shit in this house. First the kids want all my popsicles and water and snacks. You want the pussy all the damn time like I’m just a walking vag and a bitch can’t even wash her damn hair without your big head ass using my shit. This is Jane Carter. Jane Carter nigga this aint Suave ol Family dollar shampoo using ass. This was 20 dollars a bottle and it’s halfway gone and I just bought it yesterday. Damn. Just leave me alone

Me: Quianna ….baby girl….Joan

Wife: Sonny, leave me alone before I say something I regret

In my mind, I’m thinking that whole shit you just said a few minutes ago you don’t regret none of that shit. Fuck it, I will leave you be. I didn’t see the big deal about the Jane Carter but since it doesn’t have significance to me I treated it as such whereas my wife has a different appreciation for this product. Maybe I didn’t value her stuff which in turned brought a whole scenario in which I don’t value her as well. Trying to figure it out is like going on WebMD asking for help. You enter headache, WebMD says you just had an aneurysm.

In an effort to smooth things over, I go to Chipotle get her a burrito bowl with double everything and then I opened the door playing the New Edition classic, “When will I see you smile again” handed her the food and prayed I got the order right. Within a few bites we were back to being cool but this is one of the consequences that can occur when you don’t ask questions and get too comfortable. Next time you get too comfortable, Bryson Tiller gonna come down on a umbrella like fonzworth Bentley did on that Dave Chappelle skit when he was making the band and paused for about 8 seconds then yell DON’T. Hopefully this helps if not it’s another story at my expense. Stay classy, internet.