Christmas time

Families across the globe are prepping for all the Christmas festivities tomorrow morning. We are listening to music ranging from East Atlanta Santa, Temptations to Kenny G. Tomorrow will start as early as possible because kids will be running down the steps hoping Santa came by the house while the parents are just getting to sleep so they are about to turn into the Grinch. But once we see the kids faces we realize it was all worth it as for me this is when I start my Christmas Budget for 2019 because when my wife see the account on Wednesday she gonna fall out like Wendy Williams. As always there are some things that will make this Christmas better than before. Check out some of the topics from the Sonny System.

1. Dress accordingly

I know it’s Christmas time and you will be amongst family and friends but 10 times out of 9’you gonna be in someone’s living room so dress accordingly. I’m all for the winter wonderland vibe but if you put on white and you look like any of these things: 

  1. A dollop of sour cream
  2. A block of blue cheese
  3. Dirty snow

Then you might want to revisit that option.

Ladies if you want to be all festive and wear green but if you look like any of these things:

  1. Slimer from ghostbusters
  2. A ghost from Pac-Man
  3. A germ from a mucinex commercial 

Then you might want to go back to the drawing board.

2. Know the cook

We come together to enjoy a meal filled with all the favorites you can imagine. Most of us starve ourselves just for this occasion so this is literally life or death; therefore the food has to be on point. Tomorrow is not the time to freestyle like these cooking shows because it will meet a disastrous fate. If you see someone throw the plate in the trash but the plate is upside down then it’s a foregone conclusion that your food was as terrible as jacquees covering candy rain. Fellas, if you are still skeptical of the cook you have to do the Ray Charles test. You must blindfold yourself and start at her wrist. If you can wrap your hand around her wrist then it will be a tossup. The real test is the arm. You have to feel her arm and if it isn’t as big as the rib that flips over the flintstones car then you may have a problem on your hands. If from the shoulder to the elbow her arm isn’t shaped like a capital C you have to substitute for her another chef. 

3. Topics of discussion

A lot of us are getting older which means no more sitting at the little table. Shit, some of us are actually hosting the event which means you can control the board when it comes to topics of discussion. In most homes it will be about the government shutdown, 45 is a whole whore fa real but this is your time to flourish so these should be some topics worth discussing:

  1. How do you make your kool-aid?
  2. Who is better? Prince or Michael Jackson
  3. Which show was funnier? Martin or Fresh Prince
  4. Who was badder? Laura Winslow, Myra, Denise Huxtable, Topanga or Kelly Bundy
  5. If I throw a draw 4 can someone throw a draw 2 on top of that
  6. Drums or flats
  7. What does sugar really go on?

4. Food 

Christmas Day is on a Tuesday this year which means if you have to work any day this week your lunch should be covered. Please try to get all your food before Christmas Eve because the store will be as naked as all the strip clubs put together unless you’re a vegan then your section is fully stocked. If you thought parking was an issue before, wait until tonight. The meal is the climax of the day. We treat Christmas dinner like the first meal after the Daniel fast. I am eating all the protein, carbs and bread. GAINS bitch. Let your side dishes be the actually main course of the meal. You better flourish macaroni and cheese, stuffing, sweet potatoes, greens, biscuits and whatever else you want to have. I’m only going to say this once: do not shortchange on the dessert. Dessert is the final piece of the puzzle. Dessert to me is the equivalent of getting that drunk text from a woman after brunch; there will be a happy ending.

5.Be grateful

No matter your circumstance, there are always blessings to count. Your trials and tribulations are temporary, but the testimony is permanent. Have the intent to be with family and embrace each other with kindness. I know sometime family can be more difficult than beating Mike Tyson on Mike Tyson punch out but they are the only family you got. If there are differences whether small or major, please work toward a resolution. I know this is easier said then done because family can be your worst enemy. Speak with purpose and enlightenment to your family members. Always remember the same tongue that can speak life can also speak death so choose your words wisely.  Quite frankly, having these tough conversations breeds character. I am learning as I get older that I don’t want to be the bulletin board in our friendship. In other words don’t only talk to me when things are good, speak when they are bad and/or indifferent. Who knows your story may motivate someone or vice versa? I want you to hold me accountable for my actions. I want to be able provide constructive criticism with a side order of uplift without being called a hater or dismissed from your life because you don’t agree. Newsflash, a disagreement should never be the cause of a relationship ending. We tend to think that people owe us something when in fact no one owes us shit. You only get breath and death and breath ain’t even guaranteed no more so appreciate what you have and the family that comes with it. Remember that one day you will not be at the Christmas dinner neither will your family members. If you don’t believe me put an alarm clock in the cemetery and see who wakes up. There’s always a chance for a new day if given the opportunity to wake up so take full advantage and everyone enjoy themselves this Christmas. 

Minivan Talk

This is my routine Monday through Friday getting my kids ready for school. Around 6: 30 AM my alarm goes off, I hit the snooze button about two to three times now it’s 7:00 am. It’s go time.

Quianna: sonny it’s 7 am. Now you better not be yelling at the kids telling them to hurry up and wake up Jo Jo flash. You gotta get up earlier than that.

Sonny: alright yo. You got it. Baby crying-Dave Chappelle voice

I get the kids to school right before the gate close and we running like it’s a 4 x 100 to get into the building. Reid drops off Hannah then Morgan drops off Reid and then we are off to take Morgan to school. I go through my work day and then it’s on the way home but this ride home was a little different.

It started out normal. I got Reid, Morgan and Hannah and I just dropped off my sister at her house so we making our journey back to the house. We driving up Greenmount when we are at a standstill because of an accident. I got the movie playing in the back to keep the kids calm and out of nowhere Hannah says:

Hannah: look daddy, there’s a man sleeping standing up

Me: Hey Morgan what movie y’all watching

Morgan: Charlie Brown Christmas

Sonny: I don’t remember seeing that in the movie

Hannah: No daddy he’s over there to the left.

Reid: he’s not sleep Hannah. He’s a V. V is for Vampire. Blah blah blah

Morgan: Reid, he’s not a vampire. He’s dope fiend leaning

At this moment, I realize that this could go either 2 ways. I could keep it cool or keep it funky. Since this is me we are talking about I kept it funky.

Sonny: where you hear dope fiend leaning from Morgan?

Morgan: I heard it from you because you remember that time we were driving from Grandma house and we saw that white guy and you said he took way too medicine and now he too sleepy to move. But this guy here is black so is it more than one dope.

Hannah: Can I try it Dad

Sonny: FUCK No Hannah

Reid: yeah Hannah FUCK no

Sonny: watch your mouth boy

Morgan: what medicine are they taking because I don’t want any of that?

I knew this day would come I just didn’t think it would happen at 9 years old. We live in Baltimore City and these are some of the sights that she will use. It’s a harsh reality but she needs to be street smart as well as book smart. I began thinking that the best way for at least Morgan to learn is for to see for herself. I know she is only 9 years old but she is at the age where she is very observant and asking a lot of questions. I can remember when I was at that age and my grandfather used to take me down Pennsylvania Ave and we would walk through the projects before we would go into Shake and Bake and he would show me all these things and he would always preach to me, ‘if you don’t learn about God, listen to your parents or get an education you can end up just like them”. If it wasn’t my grandfather it was my dad teaching me some of the pitfalls from this reality that we live in. My dad showed me drugs and since he was a mortician he showed me dead bodies growing up who died from an overdose or shot because it was all related. In my opinion this is just rites of passage from me to Morgan. I realize that could open up a can of worms but I rather her hear this from me then someone else. I know some parents would take a different approach and that’s cool because there isn’t one perfect way for this situation. Since, I was driving and the kids couldn’t hear me, I just YouTube dope fiend leaning and I told Morgan to watch this video. This was a risky move on my behalf because your visual remembers more things that audio but I took this risk because if she sees it then hopefully it will deter her from ever doing it. Think of Scared Straight if you still don’t understand. After Reid, Morgan and Hannah saw the video, I asked them would they ever want to use drugs.

Morgan: no, daddy. That was scary. I don’t ever want to do that

Reid: Daddy I wouldn’t want to do that because I’m afraid I would fall down and hurt myself

Sonny: what about you Hannah? (I know she’s too young to understand but since she saw it, I asked the question)

Hannah: FUCK no….can I watch the rest of the movie now

We finally make it home and we open the door to see Quianna and Jo Jo Flash in the living room waiting on us as dinner is being prepared.

Quianna: hey kids

All kids: hi mom

Quianna: how was your day?

Reid: Good

Morgan: it was great

Hannah: I had a good day ma ma

Quianna: Good job Hannah. So were you on Green today?

Hannah: FUCK no.

Quianna: what you say? SONNYYYYYYYYYYYY.

Now I’m on the way to Stoko’s to get a chicken box to calm Quianna down.

 

 

Picture This

Around this time every year we receive Christmas Cards from either the Taliaferro’s or Shug which always prompts my wife to want to take family pictures. Nothing is ever normal with this family when it comes to certain tasks. We have been plotting to do this for years but there was always something that got in the way. Most of the time it was the fact that either the girls hair was done but the guys weren’t or we didn’t have the money. I can remember the first time we did a photoshoot with Morgan for Christmas and spending damn near 200 dollars. I know Julius was Everyone Hates Chris was like, ‘look at this nigga here. Let me know go help this young man.’ Alexa play Meshell Ndegeocello, Make a Fool of me tell me why. But that was my ignorance because Morgan was my first child and she should get whatever she wants but now that I got 4, man they better put this Children’s Place outfit with this 60 percent off coupon I just used and smile for the camera.

I can remember Quianna calling me one day to talk about this:

Qui: hey husbae

Sonny: husbae huh. What you got up your sleeve

Qui: well 2 things Sonny. I want to take family pictures and I made a cart at Children’s place.

Sonny: whats the second thing?

Qui: I bought a Groupon and I need to know when you and Reid are getting haircuts. The weekend is booked up so I need something soon.

Sonny: well you know our barber best days is the weekend but let me see what I can do

Qui: ok

I call the barber and his only appointment was 830 pm on Wednesday. So in my mind I’m like ‘shit, big fella for the win’. We schedule the pictures for Thursday night at Columbia Mall. Simple right. Nigga this is the Graysons’ we talking about. Thursday afternoon comes and I get a call from the wife.

Qui: you coming home for lunch

Sonny: yea why

Qui: because Hannah need her hair done. Jo Jo won’t let me put him down and he stinks. Reid gonna be mad he can’t go to karate,I need to pump and I’m hungry and I’m overwhelmed. I’m tired of this shit

Sonny: so I guess sex is out the question

Qui: motherfuck…

Sonny: DAAAAAAAAAAAMMNNN. Thats’ crazy

I get home and start to hold Jo Jo and get ready then I hear a bang at the door. It was Reid, Hannah and Grandma Cindy. Shout out to her for coming through in the clutch for picking him up.  So I’m ironing clothes and getting ready checking the clock. I felt like henry hill in the end scene of goodfellas before he got caught.  We get dressed and ready to go then it hit me.  Fuck, we forgot Morgan. Like how did I forget a whole kid. So we rush to the school arrive about 10 minutes late then Quianna lean on the aftercare lady but we doing good on time so we gonna focus on that part. All the kids at one time say I’m hungry so we stop at McDonalds and we out.

Wouldn’t you know we make it to the appointment 15 minutes to spare and we walk In JcPenney like 2Pac walking out of court. It was a lot of families in there but of course we were the minority. Hannah speaking to everybody, Morgan is acting like a second mother and Jo Jo just pooting away. We get in the room and start taking pictures and Jo Jo was hitting main man with the no smile just like his daddy and I couldn’t have been more proud. Then the photographer grabs a bunny to make Jo Jo smile.

Photographer: ok everyone say Monkeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyy.

All the kids said that shit but me I was like fuck that and it was a stone face the whole shoot. Maybe While we were waiting to review the pictures, Hannah yells out, ‘Daddy look it’s a horse in the store’. I’m thinking it’s a picture but it was really was a big ass dog and we got to bet it and Hannah wants to ride it like a horse. This kid imagination is too funny but I’m just glad we got through the pictures. Grayson Family 2018 pictures was a success and now my wife will post these pictures and break the internet before the stock market open.