I was 24 years old when my lady Quianna told me she was pregnant. I remember the conversation like it was yesterday:

Quianna: do you notice any swelling of my feet, plus my stomach is killing me

Me: did you go to the doctor? You might have diabetes fa real. Your stomach hurting because you just left golden corral and that honey bread fried ya ass

Quianna: no that aint why it’s hurting sonny. It’s because I’m pregnant.

Shit. Time stood still. I was nervous, shocked, amazed, happy, anxious etc.…As you can I was a tall glass of emotion-anchorman voice. I had no clue what the hell I was doing. I was working at Giant baking cookies and the joke around town was that I trapped her since she was a stockbroker. Part of me wanting to do the Mike Jack turnaround from the end of thriller and smile but I knew I had to step my game up expeditiously-joe Clarke voice. After the initial shock and numerous conversations between Quianna and I, we decided that we were keeping the baby and that I need to get right with the Lord now. I don’t want this new child to not have the Lord as her foundation.

A few months go by and we go to the doctor’s appointment where it is determined that we are having a girl. At first I was like, dammit this must be karma but I didn’t do women that dirty for real to deserve this but after talking to my father he said:

Me: dad, I’m having a girl. Fuck man. They said having a girl is God’s way of paying you back from bad stuff you did back in the day but I wasn’t that bad

Dad: first of all that’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard. Well son you keep playing the piano long enough you gonna make a hit. Just make your hit is a classic. Look at it this way. You realize that black woman are the purest natural resource on Earth so bringing in another woman into the world takes tons of discipline, nurturing and family presence to create the next great natural resource

Me: first of all that’s the dumb….

Dad: better watch ya mouth lil nigga

Me: Just playing. I appreciate the words and I know that I have to get my head in the game and not focus on material possession and focus on spiritual guidance.

Before you knew it, we are at the hospital and St. Joe’s has turned into a probate as the 10 Legends and all her line sisters come to the hospital to meet the AI-AG baby better known as Morgan Grayson. It was interesting to say the least the few months but as time went on and we began to establish a relationship, I realize how much I was learning from her instead of the other way around. I had another conversation with my dad when Morgan was about 3 years old because she was starting to get a personality and I was like help.

Me: Morgan is getting older and I don’t know what to do

Dad: well son… that’s life. Even though she is 3 this is the time where you begin to establish your relationship with her. Teach her that a man can love you without sex being involved. I know this is ironic because the love you have for quianna involved sex which got Morgan here but son you don’t wanna be raising no whore who looks for love through sex. We call those people hookers, smuts, sluts, skags, skee-yo, and other type of shit and my grandbaby aint gonna be one of those you hear me boy.

Me: yea I got you

Dad: nice talking to you son. Make sure you are active in her life and attend all the events you can because your attendance at simple things should as assemblies, award ceremonies, recital and daddy daughter dance will create such lasting moments she has no choice but to cherish it and remember how much you love her.

For the past 3 years, Morgan has been adamant that I accompany her to the daddy-daughter dance as if she runs my life, well part of that statement. The other part goes to my other 3 kids and my wife. I realize that my relationship with Morgan will change especially as she gets older but I am glad, I was able to establish this relationship early. Case in point at the most recent daddy-daughter dance:

Boy: what’s up Morgan?

Morgan: hey

Boy: you look nice

Morgan: thanks

Yo goes for the hug

Morgan: Hi-5 only. My daddy is crazy

Me: Job well done and I’m spent

Fathers, please be in your kids life. It’s imperative to reassure them that they are wanted, needed and that they can contribute greatly to society. Be the conduit your kids need to survive. They will thank you later. I’m glad that I can be a part of her life even if it’s just a picture at a daddy-daughter dance but these moments will last forever. Gotta get prepped for next year because she’s already asking for the permission slip

 

In a few hours the 2018-2019 season will have one more game to determine who will be crowned Super Bowl Champions? Will it be Tom Brady and the Patriots or Jared Goff and the Rams.  Fuck all that tho where is the party? The Super Bowl Party is on the Mount Rushmore of gatherings next to Thanksgiving, Christmas and Homecoming Tailgate at Morgan State University. Supermarkets   will be packed, liquor stores will be selling their stock at wholesale prices and every carry out spot will have a special that will make you salivate. Some people will watch church on line so they don’t have to leave the house at all. As my brother, Tony ‘Red Cup’ Ducks would say, I’m not sure if all traditions are dead  yet so I still have hope for a fight party or Super bowl party right? If you have the task of hosting a Super Bowl party, first and foremost we salute you but know inviting people to your house comes with some rules and guidelines. Nothing worse than being dismissed at a Super bowl party because you thought this was the day to show your whole ass.

Rule 1: Give the host enough time to prep the house for company

Listen. I’m proud you have a house with the essentials but don’t wait until Saturday night as you getting ready for church Sunday morning to say to your partner that you invited people over to watch the Super Bowl. This is the Super Bowl people not a House Party where you can just serve chips and tap water. Make sure you prepare even if that means getting a cleaning Groupon or even send out an evite.

Rule 2: Clean your house

I know this rule is self-explanatory but everybody got that friend where you wouldn’t spend the night because their house isn’t in the best condition. If that’s your house don’t volunteer your services to host this special day. There is a difference between messy and dirty. See I got 4 young kids so my house is sometimes messy especially when all the kids are playing with their toys; on the other hand there is dirty where your stove has grease spots from all the chicken you fried this year and your bathroom smells like port a potty at Afram. God forbid you look at the toilet and you see a red streak. Automatic HAZMAT suit and owner must be quarantined. Your house should look like you are about to sell it. Make your guest feel at home.

Rule 3: Have enough space for your guests

If you have a small house it’s ok because it’s for you. But if the housing capacity is 5 this aint the day for you. The last thing you want is people sitting on your steps with your neck turning like the Poltergeist trying to watch the game. Make sure the seats are comfortable because the IKEA Chair you have to assemble aint gonna cut it especially for the big fellas. I know all about big and tall clothing but now I need big and tall furniture to come to your house too fuck that I ain’t coming.

Rule 4: Location of TV

Nothing worse than a grown men watching a football game and asking questions like, ‘which team is which’ They are asking because you have the equivalent of a lap dog as a TV. Also, if you wanna host a superbowl make sure you get the 2019 version of the Hoshi Toshi. One more thing, if your biggest TV is in your bedroom then this aint the party unless you want a bunch of men in your room and if that’s the case then you need the black casting couch and a camera.

Rule 5: Have a plunger

Listen we know it’s gonna be a litany of food at this event and sometimes your stomach aint gonna be able to handle the assortment of foods so you may have to use the bathroom. Please have a plunger because the last thing you want is to be looking like Play for House party asking everybody who broke the toilet? For the record, if you a big nigga just know you will be blamed first. I can see it now:

Owner: who broke the toilet?

Guest: did you see that big nigga? He look like he can shit some bricks.

Rule 6: Television

This is an underrated rule. All of us aren’t TV aficionados’ but the bare minimum for this type of event is HD, at least 50 inches and should be mounted. If you don’t meet me this requirement you have to re-evaluate your participation in this event. Please don’t go renting a TV just to host some people that’s still gonna talk about you afterwards because they know you and they know you aint have that shit before and now you a 70” Super Ultra HD Curved TV. Fuck outta here. Stay true to yourself.

Rule 7: Take cues from the owner

I know it’s the Super Bowl but it’s a sunday night and a lot of us have to get up in the morning to go to work. We ain’t 21 no more. Our bodies need adequate rest or you will turn into a snickers bar commercial.

If the owner in the 4th quarter hit you either of these questions:

“ay yo what you about to do” or “what you doing after you leave here”, then this is a clear cut sign to start planning the exit from their house.

Rule 8: Be careful who you invite

Nothing worse than mixing crowds and the event which was supposed to be glorious turns into a reality show and now the attention has shifted to something else because now there is tension in your house. You don’t want to hear these words, “oh you the bitch that sent that subliminal post what’s up now” or “you look like the hoe that put heart eyes emoji on my man’s post so when you see him you see me know that”. Be careful who you invite because everybody doesn’t mix well. For example if you a cursing bandit, I don’t think you should be inviting your pastor.

Rule 9: Have enough food

Look when you invite people to your house you want them to feel comfortable. The last thing you want is to run out of food by the end of the first quarter. You know people may show up late and they shouldn’t be like the big girl from House party when she said, “I never make it in time for the snacks”. Have more food and alcohol then you would normally need and under no circumstance do not double dip the chip. It shows you have no couth and you have no regard for the passing of germs and you must be banned. Mandatory food items should be chicken, pizza, chips and dip, one of those deli subs and desserts. If you are asked to bring something don’t be cheap. If they ask you to bring drinks  don’t bring no mountain chill or Dr. Drink. If they ask you to bring liquor just ask the host what type of liquor they like. Please don’t be no OE, Hynpotiq or Mad dog 20/20 in my house because you gonna be mad dog and hindsight is 20/20.

Enjoy the game, commercials, food, drink, smoke and live for the Facebook commentary. God speed.