As you may know I am a father of 3, 2 of my babies are under 2. What the fuck was I thinking when I did that shit? I wonder if God shook his mighty head and said, “well you know I protect babies and fools” but this dude Sonny is wilin. Every day at home is eventful because I get to see milestones like Morgan doing her homework by herself, Reid saying real words and Hannah smiling and stuff like that. For the record, I can’t wait for Reid to stop sounding like David from Real World New Orleans. A sentence from my son goes a little something like this “Daddddyyy, swe da boo de ba boo dii swe da boo de ba boo doowwww owwww” In his mind he is saying Daddy…I’m hungry can you fix me chicken nuggets, mac and cheese and some milk. Hannah just be smiling and laughing but at any given minute start screaming bloody murder. You wanna see my wife get upset let her be dead sleep and Hannah start crying loudly. This is how that conversation normally goes, ‘unh huh Sonny man im tired as shit your turn…but she hungry quianna…fuck it then bring her here.’ But as soon as she sees her face she all smiling and what not and I’m looking confused like the Lloyd lyric (does he say She fine too or she’s 5’2) I think we wait to have for another ‘I know black people episode by Dave Chappelle for that answer’.
So I go to work answer emails, questions, and write jobs for about 8 hours. I indulge my wife with conversation throughout the day and look up sports stuff especially since Fantasy football starts tonight(fellas, you wanna test your marriage tell your wife you joining a Fantasy league, if you really wanna test her tell her you are the commissioner). When it’s quitting time, I get in the car turn on Spotify and leave the parking lot. A lot of times it’s a song playing with the word nigga a bunch of times and my white co-workers wave good bye to me. I wonder if they say, ‘this nigga here is something else’ when they get in the car after hearing my music. Cruising on the highway mentally preparing myself for another evening at the Grayson home which is something that some would say deserve a reality show. Me personally, I think it would flop but others think differently.
As I’m listening to the Spotify which reminds me to add more songs to it because on shuffle play, it goes from Yo Gotti ‘errybody’ to seduction by Usher…I know thank my wife for that shit and it fucks me up every time. I channeled Usher though from his classic nice and slow with this version; “it’s seven o clock on the dot in my minivan parked in the street/ I got 3 hungry kids and wife asking me what to eat/ I pull up anticipating/ a phone call don’t keep me waiting/ these kids are wiling and im about to whup these kids ass/ can I go to a place nice and quiet where I don’t have to fuss/ I just want a cup of henny to sip nice and slow”
But then reality sets in and I gain my second burst of energy and anticipates any and everything. I open the door, first it’s my daughter Morgan yelling ‘Daddy where were you at…can you play with me… can I watch a movie…can I go somewhere…is there a surprise for me’ All of these questions come 17 seconds after I open the door. My son yells, Daddy and runs like Dino from the Flinstones to give me a hug then he starts working on his 40 time running up and down the hallway. My daughter Hannah laying down stretching but it looks like she is working on her 1-2 combo. From there I say whats up to my wife and we talk for a few minutes, then this question…what you want for dinner? Me being me I’m like I want you for dinner. Her response, ‘boy this is how we got 3 kids now…bye lance’ First of all who the hell is Lance and I hope he’s getting paid for this phrase because I hear this on reality shows, Instagram posts, even on Sportscenter. Somewhere there is a Lance getting paid right now.
Once the kids eat it turns into organized chaos. I say organized chaos because they are all in the house but the noise goes from 0 to 100 nigga real quick, my mode takes a real shift. It’s all in fun though kids burning off energy, I get to see all of this first hand then after a bath and a movie bedtime. You would think this is where it gets easier. Wrong-charlie murphy voice. This is where my daughter wants to get all philosophical with the questions like, “dad can you be strong as Mr. Incredible?” “ Dad, why do your arms look like Wreck-it –Ralph”, “Does God go to sleep because if he doesn’t why should I” After question 3 I wanna say, Morgan do you want me to read you a book it’s called go the fuck to sleep. But in mid sentence she falls asleep like someone just hit her pressure point and she’s out cold. My son is easier throw him the crib with a show and boom goes the dynamite. My 2 month old daughter on the other hand is hit or miss. Some nights she’s out like an unpaid electric bill and other nights she’s up wanting to talk like she is quianna’s roommate. I can’t wait tiil she takes a bottle better so I mix it with potato flakes or similac flakes or some old school shit like Karo syrup. If I use Karo syrup I gotta put a mirror under her nostril to make sure she breathing because I would be out 12 hours at a time with that mixture. Anyway I wouldn’t trade it for the world therefore it’s never a dull moment in my house and when we are in the streets it’s even worse but that’s for another story at another time until next time
Stay classy and every once in a while go the fuck to sleep.