Man oh man. Where did 2016 go? In a few weeks Christmas will be among us. Families, friends, kids, gifts and basketball games will consume our day. We’re anticipating macaroni and cheese, turkey and other delectable items that will blow your whole summer 17 diet. The Christmas tree is decorated and there might be some cookies for Santa left while various family members prepare the food and I’m not eating all day because I’m going ham on all the Christmas food and desserts. They say the kids eat first but since I’m a child of God, I will abide by those guidelines. I sit there as I watch my kids opening gifts ripping up paper just to scream and give credit to some big white dude with a beard. Naw man fuck that you’re Santa is big and he got a beard but he’s black and his name is Sonny B. I’m looking at my bank statements now embarrassed to even walk into a bank because Tasha the bank teller ain’t gonna see this shit. I am definitely insecure about my funds (see what I did there).
On some real shit, I’m glad I can provide for my kids. As I get older I realize that Christmas is for the kids and not the adults and now that I’m an adult the cycle continues to repeat itself. When I was a kid we had to wait for my dad to wake up and since he worked almost 90 hours a week sometimes he wouldn’t wake up until noon and it would kill me and my sister. Of course mom was like ‘you better let your father sleep…if you go upstairs one more time I’mma take a gift back’. Me and my sister were shook like ass cheeks when rappers go to a Miami strip club. We were impatient and we wanted our gifts now. When dad finally woke up and came downstairs we went ham on the wrapping paper and we screamed at all the gifts we received. At that time I had no idea what sacrifices my mom and dad to provide me the gifts that I thought would make me the cool nigga.
Twenty some years later and I got 3 kids to buy gifts for and let’s not even go into what my wife wants now I’m looking at my paycheck and all I can do is pray for the best. Then come to find out my connect who had the discount last year ain’t got it this year so now I’m paying full price for shit now. Ain’t that bout a bitch. Oh well tough break nigga there’s always FUBU. Despite the fact we got Christmas gifts to buy, I got real life shit that in my opinion that is more important. I can buy you a tablet but if we don’t have no electricity then what. I still have to buy diapers, clothes, and groceries while providing a smile on my wife and kids face. I’m beginning to see what my parents went through and I’m appreciative of what they did. Now check this out, I’m looking at the prices for these kids gifts and they are fuckin buggin. I went to buy some shirts for Reid and they were on sale which was a win for the big fella. I’m about to cop 3 shirts for 20 dollars but shipping and handling was 27 dollars. Yea you read that shit right. The shipping and handling was more than the actual purchase. I felt like snoop dogg at the end of that Dr. Dre song when he’s telling everybody to eat a fat dick.
“Shipping and handling can eat a big fat dick….
Taxes can eat a big fat dick…”
Are you serious? Now I’m looking at my budget breakdown and I’m like ‘nah chief…on to Wal-Mart I go’. I will do everything within my means to provide the best for my family but around Christmas time I have to look to my financial mentors which are Mr. Crab, Jason Pitts and Julius from everybody hates Chris and start to channel their spending ways. I’m like the Fingerhut commercial where someone wants to buy everything and I’m the budget that’s like nah dawg you wilin.
My kids are constantly growing so I know they will need shoes and clothing but it’s something about paying more money for their shoes then my shoes I can’t get with. On some real shit my feet ain’t growing no more and now my son’s shoes cost the same amount. How sway? Where’s JA? What would Jesus do? R U Rapture Ready? PSA to all the parents if you are going to buy toys for the kids please don’t buy sav a lot batteries because when the batteries die instantly then your kids bitching and they lose their mind and say something slick then you gotta give them a ric flair to the chest or the people’s elbow to shut them the fuck up. Face it kids these days be some ungrateful little bastards. All I know is one day my kids will realize the struggles my wife and I had to make sure your Christmas was great. They will know about the arguments we’ve had because I bought the Essential brand instead of Kraft but since y’all ate that shit it served its purpose. They will know about they were drinking grape drink instead of grape juice.
Morgan: dad can I have some juice
Me: naw we got Kool-Aid though
Morgan: how come we only drink kool aid?
Me: cuz my kool aid is the shit. Then I gave her some Tang and now she wants Kool-Aid all the time now. I got that ass straight real quick.
Don’t go broke and forget the important things in life. Another thing parents if you got kids in school and they stupid don’t reward them with the high end shit. Like if your kid is in the 3rd grade and he’s only passing lunch he doesn’t anything Jordan but a Jordan to the ass to get his mind right. Christmas time is coming so that means me and the kids watching Charlie Brown opening presents and I’m praying the check don’t come out until the 30th.