Do Not Pass Go…

We have all been victims of bad customer service in one shape or another. Some of us have refused to patronize that establishment after that awful experience. I thought the customer is always right. However, have you been banned by an establishment. Only in the Grayson household would a phone number be placed on the Do not deliver list. What makes matter worse is that this carryout is one of the most prominent carryouts in Baltimore City.

Do you know how embarrassing this is? You can’t be the big fella and get banned from delivery. This is a major violation in the big fella commandments in which our forefathers: Biggie Smalls, fat Luther, Barry White and Cedric the Entertainer bestowed upon us. If anything my name should be on the pyramid scheme of success. I should have their number on speed dial and they should say, “What’s up sonny only one time this week what are you doing those body wraps”.  Nevertheless, this carryout will always win because they aren’t that far from me and I’m willing to drive so we both win and with gas at 2.85, I will take the trip.

Now you thinking how in the world did this happen? You have to be very fat for that to happen. No, I didn’t complain that it took too long. No I didn’t ask for new fries after waiting until 2:30 am to order food. Like really what would new fries to but make me not feel as guilty for ordering that late but at least the fries aren’t old and drenched in seasoning. No I didn’t do anything stupid. As a matter of fact I ain’t do shit. It occurred one time as my wife was ordering food. Now before you say ‘I knew it’. I’m not about to bash her. It has been reported that I’ve painted her in a bad light, which is far from the truth because she is the muse behind all of these stories. She is the eyewitness to these events that can only be described and painted by me.

So about a year ago, my wife was pregnant with our third child. I know you thinking damn when is she not pregnant and the answer to that is.. she is not pregnant this year nigga. Anyway it was late at night and I was doing my normal cravings run when she decides to order a chicken box and a jumbo half and half. Now your first question is probably, why didn’t I get the food while I was out. Good question and here’s your answer: I didn’t know she ordered because I left my phone at home. Everything goes smoothly with the order until the deliveryman calls her and says she has to come outside to get the food.  *Cues Drake’s Worst Behavior* Hold my phone…motherfuckas never loved us. When have you ever had to go outside to get your carryout, I thought they knocked on your door. Well, my wife is 9 months pregnant, I’m at the store and it’s late at night so no I don’t expect my wife to go outside. Lord knows anything can happen and now CSI is investigating me for some dumb shit. She sends the food back then as soon as I get back home, she asked me to go to the store. My first question was, “why didn’t you call me while I was out”. Her response was “because you left your phone here. Good thing you don’t have any bitches because if so I would have to cut ya”

So a few weeks go by and I call in another order and the person said we don’t deliver to that house. I’m thinking that don’t deliver to this neighborhood not thinking they meant literally my house. I mean my mom, sister, even my wife ordered and it got delivered to my house so why not me. It all came out a couple weeks back when I had company over my house and we decide to order food but this time from my phone. We give them the order, they give us how long then they ask for the address. Once the address is given they say, ‘oh naw sweetie we don’t deliver here’ My wife asks the question we were all thinking. So you mean you don’t deliver to this neighborhood or to this house? The lady responds with this house and explains why and we all started thinking should we even order from here. Fuck it, I’m hungry now and I got gas in the truck so let’s take a ride.

Should I order food and give them my neighbor’s address? Should I order the food in a fake name then go to the store asking if they have some send backs? Should I not patronize their business anymore? What would y’all do in this situation?


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