Ex Marks the Spot

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Dating these days is very hard…so I’ve heard since I’m married I have no clue. But with social media so prevalent, men acting like women, women acting like men the dating pool has become murky. I can only imagine what the dating pool is like now when you reach your 30’s.

Despite all the knowledge you’ve acquired over the years you see this girl that you wanna make your girlfriend. You were once Wilt Chamberlain or how Harper Stewart from Best Man would put it ‘an ebony humper’ now you trying a new thing called Monogamy. If you’re a female maybe you don’t wanna be like the girl from ‘She gotta have it’. Maybe you’re tired of being with multiple women or men at the same time so now you want to be exclusive.

You make yourself vulnerable and you approach this woman and it starts off like one of those science books. For example, if I can have your number go to page 65 if not close out my tab and walk away. To your credit you pressed your luck and you get the number and you begin to converse on a daily basis.

Throughout your first conversations you find out whether or not he/she has kids, a man/woman, religion and various topics. Then you have that conversation about your past relationships. It’s a necessary evil because you don’t want the girl that has circled the track more than Jeff Gordon and ladies don’t want a man that’s coached more girls than Geno Aureimma. Don’t get me wrong I’m not judging. I’m not like the new show called Hot Bench where there are three judges coming at your neck at the same time. But know all the information that you’ve told one another has been talked about in a GroupMe or text with their close friends. I don’t have a gavel or the robe or a bailiff saying all rise but I’m on the jury. I’m on the jury because you want all the information available so you can make an informed decision on whether or not you want to pursue this relationship any further. Here’s my first question: Do you come clean with all your information or do you give just enough? How do you react if you hear way too much? How do you react if you’ve done your own research and it doesn’t match what he/she says? Now you all fucked up but you still have a decision to make.

Well you have made the decision to pursue this further and things are going well but what do you do if you actually see one of those ex boyfriends she mentioned back in the beginning of the relationship. It’s bad enough you had to hear about it but to actually see it is a whole new set of worms. With men being such visual creatures just the sight of another man that you know was intimate with your girl just doesn’t sit well with you. Don’t get me wrong you knew she wasn’t a virgin when you got with her but you never thought you would see someone that has seen the same naked body that you get to see now. The go to spin move that she does on special occasions is this the guy that taught her. I thought about this when I was watching an episode of Blackish and Dre’ happens to be in the same house as his wife’s former man and that night found out that they were once engaged. Do you give your girl the Ike Turner look because you about to fi-fi-fi-fi-fine her ass? Do you just shake his hand and play it cool because the ultimate prize which is your lady is now yours or do you get angry and go for blood like Beanie Sigel going after Dame Dash in those State Property movies? If you’re the ex-boyfriend do you play it cool because you’ve moved on to another person? Do you shake his hand and say nothing even though that smile is really saying, ‘yeah man I fucked ya girl and I taught her all that shit…you’re welcome’ If you’re the ex and this girl was the one that got away because you were slipping do you turn into Snoop Dogg from Baby Boy and come at him saying this…’ Is this Jody? The Jody that got my boo pregnant and can’t take care of his responsibilities as a muthafuckin’ man? Livin’ at yo’ mamma house? Walking around the streets like a little ass boy? Nigga, you’s a *bitch*!’ I expect an all-out war Game of Thrones style if he goes this hard but be careful he may be an UFC fighter and he may whip your ass and take your girl but that’s a chance you have to take 100 percent of the time.

Ladies, what do you do in that predicament? Do you let these two guys fight over you? Do you reassure your current man that he has nothing to worry about? Do you ask yourself why did I put myself in this position? Do you try to run away from it like Bill Bellamy in How to be a Player? Do you become paranoid like that Ty Dolla Sign song? Do you just carry it like a pimp and say yeah I fucked y’all both not at the same time but I ain’t ashamed of my past but just know you are my present and if this is going to damage what we have then maybe we don’t have a future. For the record if your girl says this how do you respond because that sounded like some Goldie from the Mack type shit. Here’s another scenario what if you are out with your man and you see one of his former exes, do you show your ass? Do you show extra PDA just to let her know that he’s your man? Do you still keep it cute but in your mind you’re saying, “I see you lookin with cha lookin ass”

If everything ends up good do you scream Hallelujah like Jamie Foxx did at the end of national anthem? Can you be mature about a delicate issue or has the foundation been compromised and you back to diving in those murky waters?

What are your thoughts??? What do you do in this situation?

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