‘I been in this game for years, it made me an animal It’s rules to this shit, I wrote me a manual A step by step booklet for you to get
your game on track, not your wig pushed back’-Biggie Smalls (Ten Crack Commandments).
As I was lifting weights yesterday, I was vibing to the classic Ten Crack Commandments and I felt in the zone. See for me the gym is my safe haven for all the bullshit that I encounter whether it’s people at my job to my kids being on 1000 as soon as they get home or just the mere fact since I love big women to the point where I married one and I need to be able to make sure my strength stay on Incredible Hulk. Whether you consider the gym to be the foundation to wearing tank tops in the summer time and not look like you need a bra or a place to connect with your friends, there has to be rules better yet commandments. I was there from about an hour or so and I got to thinking if it’s Ten Commandments in the Bible as well as in crack shouldn’t there be at least 10 for the weight room. It’s probably more than 10 but let’s start with 10 for now.
Rule 1: Wipe it down
If you lifting multiple sets on a bench or you jump on a bench after running a marathon on the elliptical when you finish please wipe the machine down. No one should have to put their head on a bench and there is a spot wetter than the couch Darryl’s family used in the movie Coming to America. Aint no soul glo in my hair then it shouldn’t be none in the chair
Rule 2: Walk Away man just walk away
I know Biggie said, ‘never let your man know your next move don’t you know bad boys move in silence and violence’. In this case let me know your next move. If you using a machine and you need to move somewhere like the bathroom, get some water or anything put a shirt a towel or something on your machine. The last thing you want is for someone to go all Christopher Columbus on your stuff claiming it was his when the whole time it was yours. If you see something on a bar or a bench don’t move it because ‘I done see mad fits by these cats for their weights and shit’
Rule 3: No Air Boxing
For some reason every gym has the one guy that wants to be Mayweather so bad. They even make the psst noise to make the punches sound faster. Ayo my man stop that dumb shit. You look stupid as hell and you scaring the ladies.
Rule 4: Leave the person with the Headphones on Alone
This rule is so underrated… Keep your convo and the headphones completely separated. Words and headphones don’t mix like two dicks and no clit Find yourself saying ‘are you serious bitch’. This is the equivalent of when I used to see girls at Morgan on the phone at 8 in the morning knowing you aint talking to nobody and plus your free minutes don’t start to 9 but we got the point don’t talk to me.
Rule 5: Stop Reminiscing
Stop telling people in the gym your high score. You are not Uncle Rico and no one cares if you could lift 315 at 19 and now you’re 40. Stop digging in the crates and by the way no one likes a bragger. To paraphrase Meek Mill, just because you lift 315 don’t mean you thorough…..pussy. Do the workout to the best of your ability and move forward.
Rule 6: Don’t Hog the Weights
Timing is everything. If you go to the gym at the wrong time it’s like the Martin episode when he’s at the DMV and you will be waiting for the weights all day. If you are one of the lucky ones to get weight please don’t hog them. ‘Everyone eats b’…that isn’t just for the drug game this is real life. Let other people get swole as well don’t be selfish.
Rule 7: Don’t Lift Heavy Without a Spotter
Look man social media is at an all-time high and you don’t wanna be a Worldstar victim because you tried to bench 405 or squat 550 and you get stuck or worse you get injured. Have you ever got stuck and you have to leave the weights on your chest. It’s one of the worst feelings in the world. It’s as bad as you being a victim of Catfish. It’s ok to have help.
Rule 8: Wear Proper Shoes
I know at times we feel like Bruce Leroy in the gym but don’t kill your own vibe because you got on Jesus shoes and you lifting a 100 pound dumbbell. My voice turns into Kevin Hart when I see this, ‘well will you look at this please someone come over and look at this’
Rule 9: It’s not a fashion show
You’re entering a world where a lot of people don’t visit. It’s nothing but blood, sweat and tears that separate the feast from the famine. There is no idea why everything you have on matches or you walking gingerly because you don’t want your shoes to crease. You aint in there to be pretty. Lift those weights get sweaty and go the fuck home and for the love of God no more selfies after every set or a snapchat saying Gym Flow but then you don’t lift no weights.
Rule 10: Wash your Hands
This should be self-explanatory but you will be surprised how many people I’ve seen take a piss or shit and not wash their hands. That’s disgusting and you should be ejected from the club and you need to be suspended for at least a day. Don’t be that person because cleanliness is next to Godliness.