Kids say the Darndest Things


Look at this girl’s face. She’s pretty right. This is my daughter Morgan. She’s 7 years old and very smart but she’s getting to that age where she is asking questions that makes me think before I answer because if I answer it wrong then she’s asking another question and the cycle continues until I’m like, ‘shit I don’t know ask ya mother yo’. See the thing with me is that I love my daughters to the death but I know there’s gonna be a point where she gonna say something smart at the big fella and quite frankly I aint here for the fuck shit. I’m letting you know now I’m not ready for the smart remarks, side eyes and slick talk. My goal right now is to instill respect and fear at the same damn time-future voice. I want her to respect me enough that she can ask questions to gain clarity but have a level of fear in the event she come at me reckless. Like you knew you was wrong but you asked for it baby-DMX voice.  I have a sister and she has prepared me somewhat for these types of moments. Thanks Sis.

Shout out to Sammie and Netta because this is one of them #aightboomcheckit aka #whatyouwontdo type of stories involving a conversation me and my daughter Morgan. So aight boom check it, Morgan, my wife and I travel to White Marsh Mall to pick up a Lane Bryant order and get something for Morgan since she’s been doing great in school. Normal right hell no aint nothing normal in the Grayson household but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.  Pulling up to the mall blasting that Gucci or something trap like getting in the Julius from everybody hates Chris mode because I didn’t do the budget for the week so I’m frantic but I was told at a young age ‘don’t let them see you sweat plus you damn big to show emotion’. When I go to the mall with my wife she sometimes get the Biggie mentality and be like ‘clear the mall out fuck the fall out’ where I’m like shit that’s 67 dollars’ worth of jean jacket right there. You can’t wear a jean jacket with the sleeves cut I mean that should be only 35 dollars right. See I am a product of the big man syndrome. You ask what the big man syndrome is. The big man syndrome is when you are presumed to be mad at all times unless you’re smiling. Has anyone ever asked what’s wrong and nothing be wrong with you but since you aint smiling or laughing so something is wrong? It’s worse for a big fella so you better smile or else. If this has happened and you a big fella you might have big man syndrome. So I’m walking with my daughter and outta nowhere my daughter says this shit:

Morgan: ‘Daddy why you don’t smile? Why you so boring? You don’t ever have no fun you aint fun’

Me: What you say yo??? (My face was screwed up like bobby brown at this point)

Morgan: (thinking aww shit I might have fucked up but I got ma dukes right here so I’m good)…. “Daddy why you not smiling…aww never mind”

Quianna: Naw Morgan don’t be scared say what you gotta say. See Sonny kids be knowing man. She is speaking that truth. Tell him Morgan. Read him Morgan read him (add 3 snaps)

Now, Morgan getting gassed up like Sunoco all laughing and real confident. Quianna laughing all hard. Morgan laughing all crazy and I’m going through mad scenarios in my head. I realize at times I can be ruthless with my words so I got to be wiser when I shoot my verbal ammunition and since I felt blindsided  I felt the need to go Jon Snow on both these people. Should I go James Evans and say, “I’m boring huh. See how boring I am when you don’t have no food in the fridge or no cable in the house or no fresh shoes I bet you aint saying I’m boring then”? Should I go Julius from Everybody Hates Chris and say, “that’s 48 cents worth of breath right there I suggest you be quiet”. See I think my wife giving Morgan that courage upped the ante and deep down I know she was joking (I think she was but since I aint know for sure I still need to proceed with caution). I chose another option and laughed it off and said, ‘yo Morgan wilin for real. She dummin out on the big fella’ and then went silent the whole time I was in the mall.

I took the silent approach because honestly I didn’t know how to answer the question without coming off mean and with me being 6’0 damn near 330 that would cause a scene so let me chill. By me going silent it allowed me to decompress and think damn am I really boring hell no not Sonny Brasco but to Morgan, Reid and Hannah I’m dad so she might have a point. I think what made it worse was every 5 minutes Quianna asking me ‘you mad or nah’ and snickering. In all actuality I was just prepared to eat that one and move on but when Morgan said, ‘why you can’t be like mom’ that when I was like fuck it, it’s go time.

Me: Why I can’t be like Mom? What does that mean yo? Morgan you say I’m boring right. Give me an example because you buggin talking to me like that. (I think Morgan was looking at me transform to the angry yo from Inside Out and thought is this what happens when Keeping it Real goes Wrong because if it is I don’t like this)

Morgan: I mean dad you not smiling like you not happy. Aren’t you happy with me? Don’t we make me happy?

Me: (See how she tried to flip it on me real quick. She flipped it like Simone from the Olympics. My kids are the real sour patch kids like how I am supposed to respond to some shit like that. Well played Morgan well played) Of course I’m happy so let’s get to the bottom of this so you don’t say nothing crazy like to me no more yo.

I know I know she’s only 7 but this is how I talk.

Morgan: I mean you laugh on vacation or when we watching movies or when we together so when you weren’t laughing I just thought you were mad. Maybe I shouldn’t said boring what I mean was mad’

Me: I’m good yo just chillin for real aint nothing serious. But you gotta make sure you know what you saying before you say it because you may not like my response next time.

Morgan: ok dad. (Then we do a handshake and we back to normal shit)

I wonder if I gave Morgan energy that just threw her synergy off and she was like yo from Belly when he was like…’I don’t like that shit…naw I don’t like shit’. I have to realize that my kids is watching my every move even when I was just chillin and the wild part this is just the beginning. I’m not looking forward to her getting older and there’s still Hannah. Come on man-Cris Carter voice.


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