Love Jones

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There’s come a point in a man’s life where playing the field gets old and the waters become murky especially as you get older in life. Of course things happen like having kids, lifestyle changes, financial changes but one thing that can change all of that is love. See once you find love you have to find a way to keep it. Sometimes you will have to compromise, sometimes you will have to hold your ground and out of respect for her you don’t belittle or make her feel less than a woman. Sure you won’t agree on everything but because you love her she can only respect it and work towards resolution.
I say all of this as a prelude to my dedication to my wife Quianna Grayson. See a lot of times I’m known as the big black funny guy but when no one is around and no one is laughing who is in my corner …and that’s what counts the most. Back at Morgan where I met her I always thought she had a style fitting her personality perfectly and after a few conversations and learning we have similar interest it was a no brainer that she was the one that I wanted to be with. There are always variables that can derail a relationship but the biggest one in my opinion is timing. In college there are so many factors that play into that word timing whether it’s the amount of credits that semester, trying to pay for school yourself since you didn’t get the Pell Grant like some, trying to find sense of purpose and many other things but you still make the best out of the experience.
Was it love at first sight??? Yea…In the sense that I would love to get to know her better. In the sense that I would love for her to take interest in me but I can’t force it. Love has to be organic since it’s supposed to be everlasting that’s why Quianna and I are a love jones combination. This love isn’t your typical love because it seemed forbidden at the time. It was like taboo for us to be together because I was known as ‘just sonny’, I never understood what that meant that but hey life goes on. There have been moments in the past where the opportunity could and should have presented itself but the powers that be deemed it the wrong time. In my mind every day was the right time but God saw things differently.
Yea we flirted, smiled, laughed and joked with each other but it never went beyond that after a few attempts I just took a final chance and poured my heart out to her and my feelings and wouldn’t you know she actually was interested. It’s hard for me to express my feelings because I was taught not to express them or when I did express them I was always met with rejection so I made the decision to not share them or make them into a joke especially when I looked into a woman’s eyes and I saw fear or ‘the I hope he ain’t serious’ because I don’t view him like that. I used laughter as a defensive mechanism and quite frankly I’m good at it. But once you get to know me I’m actually a cool guy. It became a point where it was like when is this shit going to stop or what about me is that appalling to where no wants to take a chance with me. I can’t wallow in self-pity just continue to put on my armor and move forward.
Homecoming 2007 that fatefully day where I decided to not go with my intuition and I decided to pursue Quianna. It was effortless because it was organic. I wasn’t trying to run game on her, it wasn’t a one and done like I genuinely liked her and hopefully the feelings were mutual. Even though the room was crowded it was just the two of us in my mind as I tried in a non-politician type of way to see if I had her vote for a chance to be her knight and shining armor. Things were going well and then I heard ‘Sonny are you serious’. I had to pause and think and then I realized in order to be comfortable you have to be uncomfortable first so I answered the question, ‘yes I’m serious’ and I proceeded to pursue Quianna.
Who would have thought I would get a date with her? I can’t mess this up. I have to prove to myself as well as her that I am just as good as I advertised myself in the past. I was nervous like a stuttering kid reading out loud in class but I took the chance and the first date turned into the second and then the third and then onto an exclusive relationship. Things were good and then I received a call from her stating that I would be a father. Talk about nerve racking but this was the next step in my transformation. Some people thought I wasn’t even responsible for myself how can I be responsible for somebody else. That’s why I rekindled my relationship with the Lord because I knew if I can’t do it I know there is someone who can guide me in the right direction and turn that don’t into a do.
The love I had for her never wavered in fact it increased because she allowed me to become a father. Feelings all over the place but one thing remained the same is that I love this woman. Sure parenthood isn’t easy. I’m 25 with a newborn and not the job that I want and at the same time I’m still have to make sure that my lady is ok. Decisions were made and families begin to gel and I thought to myself, ‘how long before I stop this charade and make her my wife instead of a baby mother?’ I had to mentally prepare myself for such as a commitment as this was the ultimate test of letting my guard down and expressing my feelings. Beside God, I didn’t know how to open up to people without feeling a sense of judgment so I just wouldn’t do it. Luckily, with God’s guidance I was able to realize that if He sent her to me then I have to be ready for all that comes with it. He hasn’t been wrong before so why would He be now. I took his advice and on Christmas day I asked for her hand in marriage and for the first time I seen the ‘ugly Quianna cry’. She said yes and it was a weight lifted off my shoulders as if my guardian angels got me over the mountain of doubt and God patted me on the back and said ‘now you’re thinking boy’.
Things couldn’t be better now it’s time to move into our own place and begin the next stage of this transformation which was living together on our own. No more parents just Quianna, Morgan and I. It was an adjustment but if you ain’t moving then you’re dying and I don’t want to die. I’m watching relationships grow around me at a rapid rate and yet the biggest move I had to make was changing this lady last name. I got her permission now it’s time to execute. At times even now I ask myself ‘How did I get lucky?’, ‘what took us this long to get together?’ The answer to that as always is timing. The perfect timing creates the perfect relationship between two people. I know nothing is perfect for everybody but she is perfect for this somebody. I’m thankful for the opportunity to be her husband and I showed my appreciation by making sure she had 2 more of my kids so that’s 3 kids in under 6 years and now I’m the new Danny Tanner.
Throughout it all was seems like 4 years is just the beginning of a lifetime and I’m glad that she chose me. Let’s see how this plays out.

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