DVR set. Snacks in the oven. Henny in the cup as I relax in the recliner after I give all my kids tablets to keep their ass quiet. I know you wondering why would I do that on a Thursday but today is the 2017 NFL Draft. Tonight is the night where Roger Goodell will step to the podium amongst the boo birds and announce the picks for your perspective football team. Everybody expects Myles Garrett to go number 1 but this is Cleveland we are talking about so anything is possible. But on some real shit with all the mock drafts from all the sites and everybody gonna be wrong at some point so why not use fictional characters where 100% of the time, I’m wrong every time. Tune into the first round of the 2017 NFL Draft on ESPN8-The Ocho.
- Cleveland Browns- Julius Campbell (Remember the Titans)
Arguably the best defensive player in the draft and Cleveland needs all the help it can get. Plus he won a state title in a racist town. Day 1 starter.
- San Francisco 49ers’- Steve Lattimer ( The Program)
This guy gained 35 pounds of muscle in 3 months and after reports of John Lynch talking about selecting him the last thing you want is Lattimer screaming, “what are you leading me on”
- Chicago Bears- Alvin Mack (The Program)
With his recent injury history, this selection may be a huge risk. But in the City where linebackers are revered add another one to the list.
- Jacksonville Jaguars- Darnell Jefferson (The Program)
Three straight picks from ESU as Jefferson becomes running back of the future. The wildcard for this pick is Joe Kane.
- Tennessee Titans- Rod Tidwell (Jerry Maguire)
Running game stamped. QB stamped. Wide receivers…not so much. With 2 first round picks they can go offense/defense and he wants us to show him the money.
- New York Jets- Shane Falco (The Replacements)
- Los Angeles Chargers- Earl Wilkinson (The Replacements)
- Carolina Panthers- Julian Washington (Any Given Sunday)
- Cincinnati- Ivory Christian (Friday Night Lights)
- Buffalo Bills- Willie Beamen (Any Given Sunday)
- New Orleans Saints- Alan Bosley ( Remember the Titans)
- Cleveland Browns- Johnny Moxon ( Varsity Blues)
- Arizona Cardinals- Bobby Boucher ( Waterboy)
- Philadelphia Eagles- Earl Meggett (The Longest Yard)
- Indianapolis Colts- Wendell Brown (Varsity Blues)
- Baltimore Ravens- Deacon Moss (The Longest Yard)
- Washington Redskins- Danny Bateman (The Replacements)
- Tennessee Titans- Petey Jones (Remember the Titans)
- Tampa Bay Buccaneers- Boobie Miles (Friday Night Lights)
- Denver Broncos- Billy Bob (Varsity Blues)
- Detroit Lions- Bud Kaminski (The Program)
- Miami Dolphins- Big Mike (Blind Side)
- New York Giants- Louis Lastik (Remember the Titans)
- Oakland Raiders- Luther ‘Shark’ Lavay ( Any Given Sunday)
- Houston Texans- Joe Kane (The Program)
- Seattle Seahawks- Gary Bertier (Remember the Titans)
- Kansas City Chiefs- Rudy Ruettiger (Rudy)
- Dallas Cowboys- Brian Chavez (Friday Night Lights)
- Green Bay Packers- Becky O’Shea (Ice Box-Little Giants)
- Pittsburgh Steelers- Meaney (Waterboy)
- Atlanta Falcons- Forrest Gump ( Forrest Gump)
- New Orleans Saints- Uncle Rico ( Napoleon Dynamite)