Move Onward Soldier

1st Air Cavalry Brigade ground troops build on advanced skills

(Disclaimer: I am not a preacher by any means..this is what I learned from church yesterday but last night I fell asleep to Joel Osteen and this is what was on my mind when I woke up)

There always comes a time where things aren’t going the way that you hoped but you continue to perserve. You begin to question Why me, Lord did I not tithe enough and the list of questions go on and on. But yesterday in church we discussed suffering and how it is broken down into 3 components:

1. All suffering is temporary

2. All sufferings is educational

3. All sufferings is beneficial

All sufferings are temporary for nothing last forever sure it may last longer than you want it to but it doesn’t last forever. For example you get the flu and you feel like you are suffering to the point of a slow death but within a week you back like cooked crack and ready to go back to your routine.  Abraham Lincoln once said, “almost all men can handle adversity but the true test of a man’s character is when you are given power”. See we are given limitless power through our Spirit but it how you use it determines the legacy you leave behind. The majority of my friends watch Game of Thrones and we saw King Joffrey being a bitch amongst all the bitches, if it wasnt for Tywin Lannister he would have been murked long along. See he used for power only for his gain whether it was getting the wolf killed in season 1 to his dealings as King. As we all know now he met his untimely demise but he’s a character I won’t miss at all.

All sufferings is educational. Like Hov said I dont lose because i learn something everytime which makes me even. ( I know a HOV enthusiast will give me the correct lyrics, song, time on youtube where he says it and maybe even do it in his voice..I nominate Tony Taliaferro as that guy but it could be a wildcard but you get my point) We as humans learn inwardly. Suffering brings us pain which in turns brings us purpose. There’s 2 things that you can’t learn unless you suffer: hope and patience. Whether it was me on line in 2003 or almost getting evicted in 2012 with a pregnant wife I learned the possibility of hope and patience. You ever pray for something and you get the complete opposite. I have before back in 2012, I just got married had the illest reception possible and I asked the Lord for a promotion. Guess how God responds? I get laid off a month later. So I have a pregnant wife, a toddler daughter, bills mounting up and the only work I could find at the time was driving a flower van for the Wylie Funeral Home. An educated black man with a Master’s Degree in Engineering driving a flower van, I couldn’t write this if I tried but I persevered and out of one conversation at my church, I’m at Verizon as an Engineer. I learned about hope and paience right there and now I must continue my path to provide for my family at all costs. I feel I may not have suffered as much as some but I’ve suffered enough where I can speak on it and you gonna respect it. If not then cool but you can suffer an ass whipping through these hands too. I can be amongst my Brothers and from the outside everything can be perfect but you can’t tell how someone looks from the inside. You see the cars, the women, the clothes but what you don’t see is the car note, car insurance, budgets and bullshit these same women are putting them through.  As I’m getting older I am realizing that I can’t focus on the earthly possessions because they are meant to fail, break and die. For example I bought a car and as soon as I drove off the lot the price value drop 10 stacks like “what the fuck”. 10 stacks tho I can see 2-3 because these Baltimore CIty potholes will fry ya whip like Royal Farm chicken boxes.

All sufferings are beneficial. I know you like this is past Sonny bedtime and he needs a nap. For the record once you have kids you don’t get no naps. See our sufferings are never meant for evil but for good. Because it’s all good because it’s all God. Our suffering reveals our weakness and it forces us to confront our problems. One of the problems that I have is that I try to live up to this persona as a pillar of strength for my wife and kids. The first problem with that is that a pillar is an object that doesn’t move or have feelings like a mountain, monument or stone. I’m not made of stone (gumbs made sure that with his clubbing escapades). It’s like because I’m the big black I can’t show emotion unless it’s me cooking food on the grill, watching sports or having tea parties with Morgan. I failed to realize that I am human and that I must express my feelings. I’m not one of those men that cries at the drop of a hat as a matter of fact I may have cried about 5 times in about 5 years. 3 of those times were at funerals and the other 2 for my kids because doctors always trying to say some negative shit and ruin the brief utopia I have.  But when my wife says show your emotion let me know that you care then I feel like is this a setup or nah. In our moment of weakness it’s God praying for God because he is praying for his children

Suffering will never replace the love that the Lord has for us but forces us to re-evalute our priorities. What I have learned throughout my life regarding religion is 2 things: There is a God and I’m not HIM because if I was there would be a lot less corny niggas out here in the world and a  lot of my friends wouldn’t be dead but that justs my limited perspective and that’s why I am not God. Since I can’t see the Lord in this life, I must keep my trust in Him because I know he’s capable of anything. I had to stop asking the Lord “why me” because he responded back with “why not you, just know thoroughout all of this I have been here every step of the way. Don’t worry about the earthly problems for MY glory is better”

The more I care about something the harder it is for me to pray about it because it’s personal. I can pray for all the homeless people, sick and shut in, soldiers without a problem because I don’t know any of them. But trying to pray for my friends is hard because I hate to see the people that I love goes through something. At times I feel like I can take anything and everything for everyone else because I’m strong as an ox and I can take whatever you throw at me. Then I realize I’m human because I get humbled from a Wylie slap, a Quianna lean or a dropkick. Have you ever been so drained you just didn’t know what to say? Were the 4 words you were supposed to say “Lord please help me” turn into ” man fuck this shit”. In that moment of weakness that’s when you become the strongest because the Holy Spirit is taking over and praying for you.

This thing called life ain’t easy but if it was how would you  be living. Throughout all the trials and tribulations there’s a turning point where there is a trimuph and victory. For those reasons alone, move onward soldier.

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Kids say the Darnedest Things

morgan

Around 5-5:30 pm every day during the week, I pick up my daughter from school and we cruise to the city to pick up my son. The weather is getting better so more sights to see which means more questions by the little one. Normally, my son is gutted while I’m driving so it’s just me and Morgan talking about life well at least as she see it. So I’m on the corner of Greenmount and 25th waiting on the light to change jamming to some music when I hear my daughter say ‘Why is that man sleeping standing up?’. I said Morgan what you talking about homie. She repeated it then I saw a man on the corner dope fiend leaning. Now my daughter is asking me questions like ‘How is he doing that?, Daddy, I thought you need a bed and a pillow. Have you done that before Daddy. He needs a nap daddy’ I was thinking of the best approach because she is only 5 so she really won’t understand but it has opened her eyes to something like she hasn’t seen before. I said ‘Morgan, main man tired fa real and he couldn’t wait to get home but just know you will never do that, there is always a bed and pillow for you baby girl’. Morgan says ‘thanks daddy and can I hear that song again’. The song that was playing ironically was called ‘Move that Dope’. I can tell she was glued to the window to see what else she could see.

So we get home, I’m fixing her dinner helping her with her homework you know the normal Sonny routine when my wife comes home. Her steps become heavier as the baby grows every day. Quianna in advance I’m saying sorry because we breed some big ass kids. 8 pounds and up gang stand up. But, Quianna and Morgan are talking and of course Morgan says ‘Mommy, guess what I saw today… a man sleeping standing up have you done that before.’ The world stops even Reid woke up like awww shit. My wife face said it all. She was confused but had to remember the area where we live and shit like this happens every day B. Quianna sends Morgan upstairs and as soon as she hit the final step she turned to me with disgust and said ‘Sonny, keep my daughter innocent. The last time we had a conversation it was about butterflies not dope fiend leaning’. My first though was like ‘I aint even do shit why you buggin but since she pregnant I let it ride but on Greenmount those are just some of the things you see. Some of it may be my fault because growing up over West, my grandfather would drive me thru all hoods like Pennsylvania and Gold, McCulloh Homes, Murphy Homes, Lexington Terrace just to show how blessed I am and you could end up here if you don’t act right. I saw the hookers, hand to hand drug deals, fights, dice games anything you name it I saw it. I can’t front when Morgan is of age I will do the same she needs to know that everything that glitters aint gold. I know Morgan didn’t mean to try to get me in trouble but I can understand Quianna’s frustration. You know you work hard to get your kids out of every possible bad situation and yet it still happens. I look at those bad scenarios as teachable moments. Bad things happen to good people all the time going back to the Bible. You can ask God, ‘Why me’ and I can see Him responding back ‘Why not you’. Kids will humble you, make you laugh but they will always say the darnedest things.

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Minivan’s: A Necessary Evil

Nothing like going to a dealership negotiating a deal and leaving with a new car. It’s like you just won a challenge on Price is Right. You’re excited. Not a care in the world and you ready to cruise the streets. Do you feel the same way if that new vehicle is a minivan? See, this is the dilemma that’s plaguing my family right now. As you may know my wife is pregnant with our 3rd child and her Nissan Altima isn’t practical for that type of family. First and foremost wanna thank the Lord for blessing with me 3 kids and also the ability to even think buying another car. Could it be done without a minivan sure but the way my weight is set up, it wouldn’t be comfortable at all. I can see Reid popping Morgan, Morgan crying the whole ride, the new baby hungry and wet and like all parents did while driving reach their hand back until they found some body part and start hitting.

There are pros and cons to this purchase. One pro is that there’s a DVD player, navigation, backup camera and spacing for the kids. But the con as my wife would say ‘It’s a minivan, Sonny. Can you imagine pulling up somewhere else valeting the damn Mystery Machine? Is it Scooby snacks in the back? Are we going solve crimes after dinner? How am I a soccer mom and my kids don’t even play soccer. How about another SUV’ Sure that sounds good in theory because I don’t want her driving my truck to the ground because she don’t want to be in a minivan. But in this case this is why a minivan is a necessary evil. It’s necessary because it accommodates all of our needs but the thought of us driving one is evil. Any cool points we thought we had left goes straight to Hell as soon as we pull off the lot. Sure we’ll get the ‘oh this is nice’ comments at first but about 10 minutes later someone will say ‘yo got a minivan fa real.

I can only imagine my friends’ reaction, the jokes will not stop. Luckily, I’m nice with the counter like Mayweather and can make it entertaining for all. My only thought is driving somewhere and the kids getting on my last nerve right when I’m about to turn into the Incredible Hulk begin to realize, ‘hey I got a DVD player here kids watch Wreck-it –Ralph and shut the hell up’ The SUV could be a viable option only if it had the same requirements as the minivan because the way my wife’s height and short arms is set up, I will be the only taking the kids in and out the car seats, basically I will be the ‘put your big ass kids in the car guy’ and quite frankly I don’t wanna do that shit. As I’m getting older, I realized the old Sonny you know the one cutting a rug at all the clubs just being on the scene is just a distant memory but damn I had a good time. Now I’m evolving into another person. A father, a practical human being where cooking on the grill is like heaven instead of bouncing butts in my face. Don’t get me wrong nothing wrong with that if that’s your thing but now I look at them like LORD please don’t let my daughters even come close to that. If a minivan has to be purchased can it be at least a cool minivan or is a cool minivan an oxymoron. I understand my wife’s viewpoints; it’s the transition we as parents want to avoid like the black plague but once it’s becomes airborne it’s too late. Off to the dealership or nah??? What are your thoughts about a minivan? Do you have a minivan? Is a minivan a necessary evil?

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