The Sport of Being A Dad

Kanye West

As a black man and proud father of 3 under 6 yeah I know I know  what I was thinking about but I look at sports as an outlet and stress reliever. So to my astonishment tomorrow night is the Golden Corral of sports. It’s a buffet worth sitting down and getting comfortable because you have NHL Playoffs, MLB Baseball, NFL Draft, Kentucky Derby, Game 7 between Spurs and Clippers and arguably the biggest fight since Hagler vs. Leonard in the Mayweather vs. Pacquiao extravaganza.

Fellas, you must under all circumstances fuck the shit out of your spouse tonight to make sure there are no problems tomorrow, as you shall be glued to a HD TV with snacks. Yeah, you might have to eat some groceries (if you know what I mean, but hey you do it well enough she might even buy the snacks). You have to leave her with the same glow as Keisha from Belly after DMX said ‘I don’t know no fuckin Quianna….listen…listen….listen’ or for you youngsters that don’t know Belly how about like Yvette when Jody jammed her in Baby Boy. This day of sports is the equivalent of the new season of Orange is the new Black dropping on Netflix. This is what Diddy was talking about on Mase album when he said, ‘if you have 24 hours to live just think what would you do…’ Life as you know it is at a standstill. You don’t care if the baby crying, phone ringing or nothing. You just want to be in front of a TV as you switch from one cable channel to another, which reminds me I gotta pay that shit soon. For some NHL playoffs are a big deal, I can’t front those jerseys and fitted hats are tough as hell but to some grown men get smacked and throw hands afterwards like that is exhilarating. Baseball is in the infancy stages of the season so I ain’t really that excited about it. I love football and the nuances that come with it. In my mind, I am a GM so the NFL Draft is a game of strategy which picks the best players to suit your organization and to see these young men fulfill their dreams is awesome baby with a capital A. See, I played football in high school and at times, I feel like the equivalent of Arthur Agee as my football dreams have been deferred. The Kentucky Derby is the fastest 2 minutes of sports action. The Kentucky Derby is like having a quickie with your wife either as she is getting for work or when you hear the baby moving in the crib like she about to wake up and you know you gotta wait at least another 6 hours and by then who knows where the momentum so you gotta fuck now and expeditiously-Joe Clarke voice. There is nothing like a Game 7 in basketball when you the San Antonio Whitewalkers against the team that Steve Ballmer bought. This game is in competition with the biggest fight in about 30 plus years as Floyd Mayweather contends to remain undefeated against Manny Pacquiao. Some people are in Vegas, some are having fight parties, some girls is putting on their best outfits even though they are just going to see the fight in someone’s basement but all in all, we will all echo the words of Ice Cube tomorrow when we say ‘today is a good day’

All of this is well and good but what if for some reason you won’t be able to see hardly any of these events how will you function. This is the dilemma that I face because my kids are going to Sesame Place tomorrow. My first thought was fuck these kids they don’t have to go nowhere, I gotta introduce them to disappointment now but then I almost fell in public and for a big dude almost falling that’s a game changer. First and foremost big people fall in sections. It makes you want to re-evaluate all your decisions in life prior to that moment, so I think that was God getting me back for saying that dumb shit. I was only joking to begin with but when my wife told me that her cousin bought tickets to Sesame Place including hotel stay for all of us, I was thinking aint that nice but will we be back in Baltimore in time to see the fight though. At first I was like what were you thinking getting tickets to Sesame Place on the same day as Mayweather-Pacquiao. They should never gave you people tax refunds. You just had to go the park the first day it opened huh. You can’t reschedule for another day. You know those characters ain’t real right shit for all I know they gonna call out of work just so they can see the fight. So it’s just gonna be a park with costumes on the floor. I can hear Big Bird saying ‘I’m not here  for teaching nobody the alphabet song but if I could rearrange the alphabet I would put F and U together.

Even if I was able to come back to Baltimore, this curfew would of fried the shit of me unless the fight party is held in the county then we got something here. Of course this was all silly conversation between my wife and I because we clearly saw the bigger picture. The bigger picture was that my kids get to go to an amusement park and we don’t have to come out of pocket for shit. So when I asked my wife did her cousin pay for all this she said, ‘hell yeah, hell yeah hell yeah fuckin right yea right all right’. I know they will be showing this fight any and everywhere it’s just fighting the right place. I pray finding a good place to watch don’t turn into a Harold and Kumar adventure but if so that’s another story to tell. There comes a point where sports comes second and to my dismay this is one of them but to see the excitement of my kids face when they see this place tomorrow is worth it. I’m going to tell you this right now if they start cutting up not only am I whipping ass but we going home. Going home is really just a diversion for real to see the fight and I will let my kids think it was because of them. I know I aint shit for that but I also know my kids aint stupid and they want no parts of the big hand so everything will be cool. I feel like Dave Chappelle in on my shoulder saying, ‘Tough break nigga there’s always FUBU’ I salute those that will do the right thing and the fruits of your labor will be glorious as you get to rejoice and bask in the ambiance known as sports television. This is something you sit and tell your grandkids when they ask about your life accomplishments. Being a dad comes first and I hope I get closer to Heaven for doing this.

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