The trials of me as a husband


Am I a good husband?

March 16, 2012, I was given the opportunity to become a husband in the house that the Lord made to a woman that loved me despite my flaws. First things first, I didn’t think that was even possible (that’s what I get for thinking huh). I was presented a woman that would be willing to have sex with me, create kids with me and even let me use her Netflix Account. Fabolous said, ‘being hot gets you the MVP, staying hot gets you the Hall of Fame’. I met a woman that met those qualities so I should be fitted for my Hall of Fame jacket right…we’ll see. I wonder do I have to wait 5 years after my death for that decision.

Has the fact that I found this woman caused me to become stagnant? It shouldn’t have that effect however I am a creature of habit and that could be detrimental to how I deal with things. I need to learn to live a little bit more. I was called Wayman Tisdale from strictly business in a recent argument so that echoes that sentiment on me living more. I put so much pride and emphasis on providing for my family and when I feel that there is trouble approaching that’s when I lace up my boots and go to war….with myself though and cut ties with anything that’s going to create memories. Maybe I need to work on creating more memories because when I’m on my deathbed, I shouldn’t be worried about a cable bill, I should be worried about whether or not I lived this life to the fullest. Has it caused me to forget about growth and how to do the same things that she fell in love with? Simple things like date night and little notes in the purse go a lot further than the extravagant gift. (So I’ve been told, I have yet to get the extravagant gift because my mentor is Julius from Everyone hates Chris) Maybe I should budget some money to allow us to have normalcy in life instead of just getting by only worried about work and kids. Maybe I should just let the good times roll instead of planning every move. This is hard for me at times because I feel as a man my wife and kids should never want for nothing even if that means sacrificing my whims and wishes to accommodate them. What if you devalue her opinion because you’re the man and you think it should go according to your plan? This is the first of many mistakes a husband can make. First and foremost always remember Proverbs 3:5-6, “trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto your own understanding”. The key portion is those scriptures is lean not unto your own understanding. This is the fatal flaw that most people experience and the irony is the trust that were supposed to have is from the person that you’re asking to build you back up again. As men we should never get comfortable because trust and believe there is another man waiting for the ‘hey, how you been’ text. I know it is easy to get comfortable because you are getting the simple things in life like watching sports, eating good food, and buttery yams but don’t lay back in the recliner because that’s when the next man will come right behind ya and uoeno it. I pray that she continues to love me throughout all these flaws because I never want to plant a seed of doubt. Once doubts begin to creep up in your mind, it’s become toxic like drinking hard liquor. Your mind becomes distorted, you aren’t thinking clearly. It’s a cloud blocking your line of sight. I don’t wanna have to relive the Beanie Sigel, ‘I feel in the air’ video where I feel someone is behind me waiting on my downfall so he can scoop her up (I know that wasn’t the premise in the video but when I feel something in the air that song comes to mind).

I was amongst a group of friends a while back, I forgot the occasion but it was said that “I was their role model. When I get married I want to be like you as a husband” At the time, I thought yea you should be like me but then I got home, I thought this dude tripping. If you don’t believe you can ask my wife first hand. I’m just as flawed as a diamond thief dropping jewels all over the concrete. I’m just as flawed as those shoes white dude stepped on in Do the Right Thing. Don’t get me wrong it isn’t a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde type thing but just know I’m just as fucked up as the next man.

I was reminded of how flawed I really am in recent conversations with my wife. I thought it was just a one-time issue but apparently I committed the same offense again so now its strikes a nerve and sets a trigger to feelings and emotions that I didn’t even know existed. Then it comes off as something derogatory but at the end it’s just passion towards an issue and how it must be solved immediately. It became heated, nothing Knockout Kings worthy but healthy dialogue even if voices are raised isn’t frowned upon in my house. It evokes emotion and passion which exemplifies the feelings that you have. See the last thing I want to do it devalue the feelings of my spouse. I never want her to feel like she isn’t my partner. Has your wife every asked you something and you answered with a NO. Like don’t even discuss it first, just hey do you (fill in the blank with your own question)? How does it make your wife feel when that happens? Does she say anything about it or does she let it ride? See her letting it ride can be very dangerous. It’s a slippery slope that as husbands we are treading but the worst thing you can ever do a woman is to make her go silent. Once she feels like her she isn’t your equal you are in serious trouble. Do I feel like my marriage is heading down that path? I hope not but if so it was probably my fault. At the end of the conversation, I asked her if she happy with the marriage. It puzzled her for a second but it was a real question. What if this was the catalyst to something bigger? What if I am too late and this marriage is on a decline? These are questions that I want answers too. I can’t front I was stone cold on the outside but on the inside I was stuck like Drake in the Anaconda video. She said she was happy with the marriage but there are some things that I do that get on her nerves and vice versa. Luckily, me and wife can communicate about our issues sure it may get hectic but once the issues are on the table it allows me to improve myself not just as a husband but as a man. I don’t mind harsh criticism because as I have become older, I realize I learn in 2 ways: practical application and self-improvement. The practical application is just a situation that re-enacts a grievance that was previously echoed by my significant other. The self-improvement is me not making the same mistake again. If I make the same mistake, was it because I wasn’t listening. Was it because I didn’t comprehend the issue from the beginning or was it because I felt like I shouldn’t have to change. I know it isn’t the last question because in 2003, I learned that change is the only thing that remains the same, those who adapt preserve, and those who don’t fade away.

As I reflect on the instances that my wife mentioned to me, I began to ask myself am I a good husband? Knowing that I am fucked up my main goal is to make sure that I don’t fuck things up with my kingdom. See, I work very hard to maintain my home, wife and kids so I will work just as hard to mend any differences that I may have. My wife said it best, you are a good husband you just do some things that get on my damn nerves. I won’t let something small ruin what we have but just know I don’t like that shit and I’m gonna say I don’t like that shit, here’s why I don’t like that shit and my response will be thanks for telling me now let me fix this shit.

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